Trapped!
by Red is the new Blonde
Summary: What happens when the FFVII cast are all forced to live in a mansion? Chaos and insanity. Please R&R. Rated M for language. Chappie seven: Strange Incidents involving ShinRa employees now up.
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: Okay this is my first fic and probably a poor attempt at humor. I accept constructive criticism, but NO FLAMES. If you have any ideas, please don't hesitate to write them in your reviews or e-mail them to me at This fic is generally about the FFVII cast is trapped in a house and have to learn to get along with each other for as long as their trapped in there, oh and my OC is in here too, and to give a quick summary of her back-story she's a childhood friend of Rufus and his body guard. Sorry if anyone is OOC

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own FFVII or the characters, if I did I wouldn't have to borrow money from my parents, but I do own my OC Sandy Mikage please don't steal her, you're allowed to use her if I give permission though. Okay and on with the fic.

Cloud stared outside at the lake where he placed Aeris to rest in peace, except she wasn't resting nor was she in peace. Aeris as a matter of fact was at that moment leering at Cloud as he gazed at the lake.

You see it's about a year after Meteor and Cloud discovered a way to revive Aeris, it's the magical item called a phoenix down! The moment Aeris woke up she started to strangle Cloud because she did not die by being stabbed with Sephiroth's masamune, she died when Cloud drowned her! Sheesh, he could of at least checked her pulse before he sent her to her watery grave, and now I shall shut up so I can get on with the story.

Aeris and Cloud now lived together in the City of the Ancients and they lived in that seashell like house thing that's next to the lake, and it was basically a dump, well what would you expect from a house made of shells? The roof leaked when it rained, the walls and doors were fragile because the shell is old and weak, the furniture was far from comfy, and it had no plumbing! So I guess you could say the two of them lived like primitives, except a cave sounds more like an exceptional place to live than their crap-hole of a house. Well Aeris has had it with the way they live.

"Cloud! When are we going to move out of this giant seashell! It's probably going to collapse any day now!" Aeris demanded.

"Why would you want to move outta here? It's a nice place and holds nice memories. Plus we don't have to pay bills for this house, it's one-hundred percent free, and what are you talking about? The house is fine." Cloud replied calmly. Yup, leave it to Cloud to think tragic memories are nice memories, and that a weak, giant, old seashell is a suitable house.

"NICE! You call me getting stabbed and then you drowning me NICE! Then you must think the Nibelheim incident was WONDERFUL! I swear Cloud…" 'And blah, blah, blah, whatever Aeris' Cloud thought and tuned out Aeris's nagging bout memories and the house problems, and he stared at the lake, Cloud wasn't sure why but it always made him feel peaceful, or at least he was peaceful until the floor caved in beneath him because it could not support his weight. So he fell through the floor/ceiling and landed on his back on the cold, rocky, hard, uncomfortable floor.

A few seconds later, Aeris was on top of Cloud, because she too fell through the floor/ceiling. Aeris gave Cloud an 'I told you so' look and Cloud gritted his teeth. "Don't say anything!" He snarled. "So, does this mean we can move now?" Aeris asked with a hint of amusement in her voice. Cloud sighed, "Yes, but where are we going to live or even pay for a house." Cloud asked himself, yeah if you haven't guessed the two of them were dead broke, why else would they live in that shitty house. "Well, then go make money Cloud! It's not like the answer is going to be in our mailbox!"

The minute Aeris said that, a mailman came and put their mail in the never used seashell mailbox, seriously what was with the Ancients and seashells?

Aeris blinked confused. 'Mail?' she thought, 'we never get mail. Wonder what it could be.' "Aeris," the blonde started. "Since when did we have a mailman and even get mail?" The blonde's girlfriend shrugged, "I dunno." she answered. "WHAT? How can you NOT know! You're an Ancient, aren't they suppose to know everything? Besides, you're smarter than me, if you don't know then I'm hopeless!" Cloud cried and curled up into fetal position.

Aeris smacked Cloud across the face. "Get a hold of yourself! Now you go get the mail and bring it in okay?" "But why me?" Cloud asked. "Cause if it's a trap, I don't want to get impaled again, besides you're stronger than me so go get it okay?" Poor Cloud having to take abuse from his girlfriend.

Cloud flipped through the junk mail until something caught his, an advertisement for a free mansion! "AERIS! AERIS! I think I've found us a home, it's nice, big, and best of all FREE!" He yelled excitedly as he ran to the second floor.

"Free?" Aeris questioned. Cloud nodded stupidly, "See for yourself." Aeris looked skeptical as she scanned the information. "Cloud are you sure we should go there? I mean the mansion is in the middle of nowhere and look the address is 666, that doesn't sound very appealing to me, maybe we should stay h-AHHHHHHH!" The floor yet again collapsed under their weight and now they had three holes in the ceiling/floor, except this time Cloud fell on top of Aeris. "WE LEAVE TOMORROW AT DAWN!" Aeris shouted while attempting to scurry out from under Cloud. "YAY!" Cloud cheered like a happy five-year old on his birthday.

Tifa sighed as she sat behind the counter. Her new rebuilt Seventh Heaven was doing terrible in business, and the building itself was in a bad condition too, the wood was swollen, and the place was starting to have an infestation of termites, unfortunately Tifa couldn't afford much since her business was so slow, sure the occasional frequent drinker came in, but there just weren't enough drunkards in the world to help Tifa's business.

It was another no-show day so she closed the bar for the night, and trudged upstairs to her room since her bar was a combo of her house too. Tifa plopped on her bed and began to think of other ways to make money. 'Okay, gotta think. What jobs are out there that I could make a lot of money for? Striper? Nope, we've got one too many whore's here anyways, so I probably wouldn't get paid much. Um…get a rich boyfriend and live with him? Nah, only rich guys in Midgar are ShinRa people and they're snobs, besides I think they all remember me from AVALANCHE. Other options, err…mug a ShinRa person? No, that won't work either.' "DAMN! There's got to be something I can do! I need money and a good home, but who am I kidding it's not like the answer is going to fly through the window." Tifa yelled in frustration and grabbed the nearest thing; a bottle of whiskey; and hurled it out her window, and it unfortunately hit some sane passerby, well it was unfortunate for the sane dude, but satisfying for Tifa considering she enjoyed taking her anger out on sane people.

Tifa began to pace around the room, until she slipped on her old junk mail sending it airborne. "SHIT! What the f-" Tifa didn't finish her sentence though cause the mail slowly drifted on her face, but that's not what stopped her, it was the particular mail that covered her eyes. "This is it!" She exclaimed with wide eyes, Tifa abruptly sat up and read the advertisement carefully. "I can move out of this place and move into a mansion for FREE. Yahoo! Goodbye Midgar, hello new home!" Tifa cried happily and did a little jig. "I gotta pack if I want to leave bright and early tomorrow." And so Tifa began her packing for her new home.

"That's it Cid! I've had ENOUGH of your abuse, I'm NOT your bitch on a leash that you can just push around, and expect me to follow all your orders!" Shera yelled angrily at Cid since he ordered her to make tea again.

"Shera, what the fuck are you talking about? Now go and make me some goddamn tea, I'll be out tunin' up the Tiny Bronco, and bring the tea when it's done!" Cid yelled. "I'm not making you any tea Cid, you care that old, useless plane more than me!" Shera shrieked. Cid looked flabbergasted, "Take that back! The Tiny Bronco ain't old and useless!" "I can't take this anymore Cid.." Shera started with hurt in her voice because Cid DOES care more about the Tiny Bronco than her. "So what, yer leavin'?" Cid asked without really caring and oblivious to the hurt look Shera had on her face, in her eyes, and in her voice.

Shera's feelings of being hurt quickly turned to a fit of fury and rage that Cid didn't even care about her feelings. "NO!" She shouted, "I'M NOT leaving, YOU ARE!" A few tears of fury streaming down her face. "Huh?" Cid asked confused as Shera pushed him out the front door. "GOOD-BYE CID! AND IF YOU"RE WONDERING WHY I GET TO KEEP THE HOUSE IT"S BECAUSE **_I_** PAY THE BILLS **_NOT YOU, ME_**!" Shera screamed before slamming the door in Cid's face, tears of anger, hatred, and hurt still in her eyes.

Cid was still confused and stood in front of his front door and he swore he heard wailing on the other side of the door, this made Cid angry. "DAMNIT WOMEN! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU! WELL, GUESS WHAT I DON"T NEED YOU, I DON"T NEED ANYONE!" Cid roared, which only increased Shera's wailing, Cid didn't feel bad though, he was now alone, no whiney woman to hold him back from doing what he wanted to do. A few minuets later Cid started to regret how he treated Shera.

"She was right," Cid mumbled as he walked sluggishly away from Rocket Town, "I treated her like shit, I don't deserve another chance, but now where am I gonna live?" Then Cid's answer flew right in his face literally. "AHHHHHH! I'm under attack! Get it off me, get it offa me! Shera go get the crowbar!" Cid yelled stupidly running in circles with the paper in his face, momentarily forgetting Shera kicked him out of the house. Cid continued to run in random directions and scream while pushing over sane people who were wondering what was wrong with the crazy pilot. Cid was still running a minute later until he finally collided with a telephone pole.

"OWWW! Who's fucking idea was it to place a pole in the middle of nowhere !" Cid yelled clutching his bloody nose. Cid was ready to tear up the paper that assaulted him but stopped when he saw the words free mansion written across it. "Hmmmmm…a free place to live," Cid mused as he stroked his rugged chin. "I'LL DO IT! But I better start traveling now if I want to make it there by morning." Cid decided and started to head in the direction of his new mansion.

Barret was monitoring the construction of the new North Corel, the place was coming along pretty nice but there was one problem, Barret used all his money for the construction of North Corel he had no gil left to pay for a house. "Papa, do I have to sleep on the dirt floor again?" Marlene asked as she followed her father around the town.

"Yes darlin' sorry 'bout that, but we don't have a home and them towns folks' are being nice 'nough for lettin' us eat they're left over food." Barret answered, but that wasn't the answer Marlene wanted. " Why can't we have a house Papa? I want to live in a house! I want a REAL bed, not a pile of dirt, I want comfort not DISCOMFERT! PAPA FIND US A HOUSE NOW!" That defiantly wasn't the response Barret expected from his daughter. 'Can't blame her though, she's right, we jes' can't keep livin' in the streets of this place, 'we need a home,' Barret thought, then he smelt something weird and sniffed himself, 'and a shower' he added as an after thought.

"Papa, is a mansion a house?" Marlene asked snapping Barret out of his trance. "Yes, why?" Barret asked hoping Marlene wouldn't ask for him to buy a mansion. "Cause I want to live in a mansion, this one!" Marlene declared and handing her father the paper with the free mansion advertisement. Barret read it and his eyes widened with shock. "WOO-HOO, C'mon Marlene, Papa just got us a new home!" "YAY! Wait a sec, don't you mean first since we never had a-" but Marlene didn't finish cause Barret grabbed her hand and started running to the address of the home.

Red XIII walked around Cosmo Canyon accidentally setting things on fire with his tail. The people were used to this though, they always had a mini fire extinguisher ready when Red would walk by them. That was until Red accidentally set the new chief on fire.

"Why, hello there Red. Nice day isn't it." The chief said not knowing about Nanaki's dangerous, pyromaniac tail.

"Why yes it is very warm, well, I'll see you around Chief." Red answered walking by Cosmo Canyon's newest and chief and accidentally setting him on fire. The chief ran around in circles screaming and setting other things on fire, like innocent sane towns people, mailboxes, clothing, and homes. That must've been a new record on how many things set on fire within half-an-hour.

Red stared at the chaos he started and sweatdropped. "Poor Chief, he probably made a record for being Chief for the shortest time, round twelve minutes in counting." Red said. "Look there's Nanaki! GET HIM! How dare you set the chief on fire!" One of the tribesperson yelled, and then an angry mob formed carrying torches and pitchforks and their pray was poor little innocent Red, wait a minute Red's not innocent he did set the chief on fire so I don't blame the folks, okay and now the authoress shall shut up to get on with the story.

Nanaki gulped at the sight of the huge mob. "AHHHHH! RUN AWAY!" Red announced to no one in particular. The angry mob had chased Red and were making an attempt to stab Red with their pitchfork at some points, but all in all they just ended up chasing him out of town…err…tribe?…..fine whatever the heck Red lived in.

"Great! Now what am I going to do? I have no where to live? Hey is that Cid, maybe I should stalk him for a while and he'll lead me to a home." So Nanaki ran after Cid keeping a good distance away from him so Cid wouldn't realize he has a stalker other than Reeve. (A/N: That's not my idea, it's BloodyChaos's so give the credit to her on that with the Reeve being Cid's stalker)

"YUFFIE!" Godo yelled for his daughter. Yuffie came running in the room a split second later.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Yuffie, you have yet to prove yourself a true ninja because all you do is lie around all day. You need to explore the world." Godo said

"Umm…that's nice old man, but have you forgotten that I already traveled the world cause I have helped in the defeat of Sephiroth and I was a Materia hunter, remember?" Yuffie reminded. "No, who is this Sephiroth you speak of? And you haven't left the house in years." Godo said, apparently he was losing his memory.

Yuffie smacked a hand to her face and slowly dragged it down. "Listen you old crack pot cause I'm only gonna say this once! I helped defeated Sephiroth, the evil guy who tried to become God and summoned Meteor! I ran away years ago to become a Materia hunter, and I traveled the world as I did so. Do you remember now you old coot?" Yuffie tried to remind her father even though it was futile since her old man was losing his mind.

"No, and stop making up stories, you fail the test of truth!" Godo declared writing a 'test of truth: FAILED' on a sticky paper and stuck it to Yuffie's forehead. Yuffie stared at the sticky note and sweatdropped, "Okay, I guess I can't do anything right." She said sarcastically.

"You just failed the test of self-confidence! And you said you can't do anything right, you fail the test of Doing things right." Godo said putting two more sticky notes on Yuffie.

"Geez old man, how many tests are you going to give me!"

"You don't know? Ninja Culture Test failed!"

"GAWD!"

"Spelling and Grammar test failed!"

"……"

"Talking Test failed!"

"So what am I suppose to say?"

"A real ninja would use their techniques to find out. Usage of Ninja Techniques Test failed!"

"Oh forget it!"

"Patience Test failed"

"NOOOOOO! Why must I fail!"

"Self-control over feelings test failed."

"FUCK YOU OLD MAN!"

AH-AH! BRAVERY TEST PASSED! GOOD JOB YOUNG NINJA!"

Yuffie sweatdropped at her insane father and looked at all the stick notes she was covered in. "Can I go now?"

"Yes, you must leave Wutai and get your own place you free loader. GUARDS!" Godo called, the guards promptly picked up Yuffie and threw her out of the village.

"Looks like I need a new place, hey what's this? Free mansion? New home here I come!" Yuffie yelled running off in some random direction.

"Hey Rufus, look at what I found!" Sandy said to her childhood friend and shoving the paper under his nose for him to read.

"Why would we need a mansion Sand?" Rufus asked the twenty-one year old blonde who was currently sitting on his desk and taking a bite out of his expansive organic apples

"I dunno. Just thought it might be nice for you to get away from the ShinRa and Midgar for a while, like a summer/winter home I guess." She responded. "Wouldn't you miss home?" Rufus asked her. "Silly Ru-Ru-chan, I'm your body guard, my home is with you basically, besides you're my best friend so I wouldn't mind."

Rufus normally would've fired anyone who dared to call him Ru-Ru-chan, but Sandy was a special case, she's been calling him that ever since she was eight. Besides, he kinda liked the way she said it.

"You wouldn't miss home not even a little bit, I wouldn't want you to be unhappy, ya know?" Rufus asked. It was true, he didn't enjoy making Sandy unhappy but then again it was hard to tell if she ever was unhappy because of her being so optimistic.

Sandy smiled at Rufus. "Okay, maybe just a little bit." She said. "Well, then that settles it." Rufus tossed the mansion advertisement into the garbage. Sandy scowled at Rufus. "You're a workaholic."

"And you care too much about me." Rufus said and put a hand over his heart and added in a dramatic voice, "I never knew you cared so much about me."

"Cause it's my job, I wouldn't be much of a body guard if I could careless about you, not to mention I've known you since I was four so of course I'd worry bout you since you're my childhood friend and all. Besides you care too much about me too" Sandy shot back.

"Nice comeback, though I could say the same since I've known you since I was five." Rufus said.

The phone then rang and Rufus picked it up. "President Rufus Shinra here."

"Hello, um what happened to the last president?" A man said.

"You mean my old man? He's dead, I'm the new President of ShinRa." 'I have been for the last year.' Rufus mentally added.

"Oh, so you're his son, meaning you have his money and so on and so forth?"

"Duh, why are you wasting my time, tell me who are you and what do you want." 'This guy must live in a cave if he has no clue I've been President for a year and is the Ex-President's son.' Rufus mentally insulted.

"Well, Mr. President, I'm from the national Midgar Bank and I just called to tell you you're broke." The man on the other line said in a nervous voice.

"WHAT! How am I broke! Tell me!" Sandy was now staring at Rufus with a shocked face.

"Well, uh, Mr. Shinra had ordered all his money's worth in chocolate, coffee, and sugar and caffeine filled snacks…."

"CHOCOLATE!" 'So that explains all that non-refundable chocolate, coffee, and snacks in the basement.'

"Errr….yes, have a nice day sir we had to sell your house too.." The man on the other line said quickly and hung up.

"WHAT! MY HOME TOO!"

That was when a male employ came to drop off Rufus's mail. "Sir, I've got your bills!"

Rufus's face turned red in fury and he grabbed the nearest thing; a bowling ball; and hurled it as hard as he could at the employ carrying his bills. Unfortunately for the employ, the bowling ball hit right on Rufus's target, his groin. The employ screamed in pain and fell to the floor twitching.

Sandy blinked at Rufus confused, "What was that about?" She asked. "We're broke and don't have a place to live." He answered. "Well no shit Sherlock I didn't hear you shout that." Sandy replied sarcastically hoping to cheer Rufus up.

Rufus suddenly got an idea. "Sandy, go find that free mansion advertisement we could live there, and I have an announcement to make." Rufus said.

"Yessir." Sandy said in a mock salute and began to dig in the trash can filled with papers then she started to poke the twitching employ on the floor when she found the paper..

Reeve loved the smell of pay-day, all that hard work he does pays off. Reeve took his check and put it in the stacks with his checks he never cashed in because he was saving for a vacation.

"Hey Reeve, why don't you cash in those checks?" Cait Sith number 532 said, don't ask what happened to the other 531.

"Because Cait, I'm saving up for a vacation, and if I cash in those checks people will be able to use my gil if they stole it, now if they stole my checks they can't cash 'em in, and now I finally have enough gil for a long vacation." Reeve stated or so he thought.

Then Rufus made an announcement over the intercom. "Attention ShinRa employees, I regret to inform you this but ShinRa has gone bankrupt because my idiot of a father spent all the money on chocolate, so all your checks that haven't been cashed in mean nothing and I guess that means all of you have no jobs since I can't pay you. Oh and since you all live in the company's apartments, you have no homes too, sorry, and don't blame me, blame my stupid father the President who SPENT the money!" Rufus announced.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU MR. SHINRA!" Reeve yelled and then collapsed into a crying, twitching heap. Cait Sith stared at Reeve confused. "Lookie Reeve! You've got mail!" Cait chirped annoyingly and shoving the mail under his depressed creators nose.

Reeve was ready to strangle Cait Sith but this mail was interesting it was, you guessed it, the free mansion ad. "Cait, were still going on vacation just not where I wanted." Reeve said.

The Turks were all lounging around the well lounge. Tseng was being glomped by Elena and Reno and Rude were having a conversation, well if you could call it a conversation.

"TSENG I LOVE!" Elena said for the millionth time that day, ever since they brought Tseng back to life Elena wouldn't leave him alone.

"Yes, Elena I know you've already told me a billion times already." Tseng said with annoyance in his voice and his left eye twitching.

"I know, I just wanted to remind you just in case you were to die some random, insane, sudden, horrible death." Elena said.

"So how was your weekend Rude?" Reno asked his silent friend.

"….."

"Cool, and me same old same old."

"!"

"Hey, no need to say it like THAT! It's not like it's a health hazard."

"……."

"Okay so maybe I drink just a little too often, but it's not like I'll die a sudden death."

"………"

"You mean I could! Ah whatever I'm a Turk I'm lucky to have seen a good twenty-three years of life."

"……"

"You mean it's pathetic to die from drinking rather than dieing in battle. That's it I quit drinking booze starting NOW! Oooh, whiskey don't mind if I do." Poor Reno, he'll never learn will he?

"….."

"Whatever man."

That was when Rufus's announcement came on. When it was over it took a while to sink in the Turks heads. Elena was the first to speak. "AHHHHHHHHH! We don't have a home or anything! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"No more money for drinks? How could they do this to me!" Reno sniffled downing the remains of his whiskey.

"….." Rude nodded his head sadly.

"Don't worry Rude, we'll just steal booze from bars." Reno said.

"!" Rude's mood was slightly better after hearing that from his best friend.

Tseng fell into a twitching state and wouldn't stop until Elena poked him in the eye. "OWWWW! HOW COULD MR. SHINRA POSSIBLY DO THAT, WASTE HIS MONEY ON CHOCOLATE! HOW THE FUCK DID HE EVEN BECOME PRESIDENT?" Tseng hollered. The other three Turks stared at their usually calm leader with wide eyes and awe.

Reno, as usual with him not being able to stand the silence, broke the silence. "Wow, Tseng never expected you to say that."

"SHUT-UP RENO, NOW WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE!" Tseng snapped.

"Sir, free mansion!" Elena offered passing Tseng the ad to her no longer calm leader.

"THE FREE MANSION IT IS!" Tseng yelled and fell on the floor asleep, leaving his fellow baffled Turks to stare at him confused.

Scarlet was watching Palmer and Hedigger fight over the last donut. She smiled evilly and ate the last donut. "KYA HA HA HA HA ! I had the last donut you two tubs of lard!" Scarlet announced.

Palmer and Hedigger cried, then the announcement came on leaving the three of them silent.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! No money means no more lard!" Palmer cried

Gya…No money means no pizza." Hedigger said sadly.

"No money means no weapons to buy to torture sane people with." Scarlet sniffled.

"Wait we also have no homes, where are we going to live." Palmer realized. Scarlet than came up with an idea.

"Hey Hedigger, you still got that Cloud tracker?"

"Yeah why?"

"We can go live with Cloud! Or kill Cloud and live in his home."

"Oh, I don't get it!" Both Palmer and Hedigger said.

"Stupid, fat, tubes of lard." Scarlet mumbled to herself. She then raised her voice, "We leave tomorrow morning!"

"Sephy, are you ever gonna leave home?" Jenova asked her son.

"Why do you ask?" The silver-haired solider asked.

"Well, you have to leave someday."

"But I don't wanna mommy! Please don't leave me!"

Jenova sighed. "Oh come on Sephy you gotta leave home eventually, quit being a mama's boy and go out and see the world, at least move out and get your own place."

"But Mother-"

"SEPHIROTH, OBEY ME OR YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TRY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD OR DO EVIL THINGS ANYMORE!" Jenova yelled, lightning in the background.

"Yes Mother."

"Good boy, here go to this free mansion that you can live in. Make me proud son!"

"Okay. Bye Mother." Sephiroth said as he left home and started his trek to the free mansion. But who would've though he'd run into Zack.

"Hey Seph! Where ya goin'?" Zack greeted.

"Moving to a different home now go away Zack." He answered, but Zack was too busy talking to hear.

"…..Yeah and so I was like 'I wonder what Seph's up to' and so here I am following you to your new home." Zack blubbered.

Sephiroth was starting to get annoyed by his friend. "ZACK! Leave me alone, go home." He yelled frustrated.

"No can do Seph."

"Why not?"

"I handcuffed us together when you weren't looking and I threw away the key." Zack responded.

"WHAT!" Sephiroths's face was red with anger, he probably would've stabbed Zack right there but he decided not too, he kills too many SOLDIERs and he does not need another homicide on his record or he might not be general anymore. "You mean you chained us together!" Sephiroth roared.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." Zack said grinning stupidly.

Sephiroth took out his masamune and took a swing at the chain, expecting it to break, except it didn't.

"Oh yeah, the only way to unhook us is with the key, so it looks like were stuck together Seph!" Zack chirped happily.

Sephiroth had a look of horror on his face. 'Stuck……with……Zack?' "NOOOOOOO! GIVE ME THE KEY ZACK GIVE IT TO ME!" Sephiroth said frantically shaking Zack.

"I told you Seph, I threw it away now c'mon let's get to your new home!" And Zack dragged the horror stricken Sephiroth towards his new home.

Author's notes: Well that's chapter one, sorry for it being so long, the other chapters will be much shorter I swear. Tell me what you thought, remember NO FLAMES, do you think I should continue or just stop. Oww my hand hurts. Remember be gentle in reviews, this is my first fic and please review.


	2. The arrival

Author's notes: I realized I forgot to put in the last Author's Notes about Vincent, he's in the story, I just didn't put him in the first chapter for a reason, and I apologize for it being so messy, I can't figure out how to place a boarder line. And I also apologize for making Cid mean to Shera; personally I love CidxShera; but I couldn't figure out what to do with Cid. Oh and I'm also giving a slight shot at Shounen-Ai.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the FFVII characters, some rich dude in Japan does, but I do own my OC and a mop. On with the fic!

Warnings: Zack hurting Sephy on accident, ZackxSephy (kind of) Cid obsessed with his mop, a little bit of Cloud bashing, some random stuff that doesn't even make sense, and poor, sad, attempts at humor,

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"Are you sure this is where Cloud lives or going to live?" Scarlet asked as she stared at the old mansion suspiciously.

"Yes, the Cloud Tracker never lies!" Hedigger exclaimed.

"Actually, it always does to you, it never lied to Hojo though cause he installed a special chip to track all his crazy experiments." Palmer mumbled to Hedigger so Scarlet wouldn't hear.

"Shhhhh! She doesn't need to know that, and who knows, it might just be telling the truth to me this time." Hedigger whispered.

Scarlet clapped her hands together and said, "C'mon you two fat pigs, lets get in and make ourselves comfortable, and when Cloud arrives, we kill him! KYA HA HA HA HA!" Scarlet paused in her evil laugh, thought for a moment then added, "Or ask him really nicely if we can live with him, which ever works better." The fat men sweatdropped upon hearing her second option.

Scarlet then proceeded to drag the men in the house so they could prepare themselves for the assault on Cloud or the question asking, which ever option Scarlet finally settles on.

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Nanaki was still stalking Cid and he was starting to get annoyed with all the random turns he kept making and he was pretty sure Cid was on to him.

"Who's there!" Cid yelled when he stopped to take a rest. Red quickly dove for cover as Cid started to look around. "Reeve, if that's you stalking me again leave me the hell alone, or I'll stab you with my Mop!" (A/N: Before anyone asks any questions, that's actually Cid's goof weapon in the game.) Red gulped, he debated whether he should get stabbed or to reveal himself, but Red did neither, instead he ambushed Cid by biting his ass.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! LET GO OF ME! DAMNIT! WHERE'S THE GODDAMN CROWBAR WHEN I NEED IT!" Cid screamed while trying to pull the nuisance, which was that sinking its teeth into his butt, off. Red let go as soon as Cid smacked him with his Mop and tried to stab him with the Venus Gospel.

"Ow! Cid stop! NO don't hit me-" Too late, Cid had smacked him hard across the face with the lance and he continued to hit him while shouting every profanity known to man.

"BITE MY ASS WHY DON'T YOU! WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS, YOU STUPID, MOTHER F-ING, SON OF A BITCH-"

"CID! STOP! IT'S ME NANAKI!"

Cid stopped mid-swing with his Mop right before it collided with Red's head. "Nanaki? That you?" He asked blinking confused at the creature.

"Yes! I'd appreciate it if you would stop beating the shit outta me now!" Red yelled.

"Well why the hell were you stalking me, and why'd you bite my ass! Oh and this is for stalking me and not just coming out and saying you were accompanying me." Cid said smacking Red over the head with his Mop.

Red scowled at Cid and suddenly the Mop burst into flames courtesy of Red's tail. Cid stared at the charred remains of his precious Mop. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" He yelled.

"I didn't do it, remember my tail has a mind of it's own and it has a pyromaniac mind." Nanaki said calmly.

"I say we bury my Mop."

"But Cid you could always buy another one."

"I SAY WE BURY IT, GODDAMN IT, AND NO TWO MOPS ARE THE SAME!" Cid paused then sniffled. "Besides, you don't know what the two of us have been through together."

Upon hearing that, Red slowly inched away from Cid. "Cid, you're starting to scare me, it's a Mop, not a living thing." Red said, but Cid didn't hear him, he was too busy burring his oh so precious Mop and mourning over the fact that it was cremated.

Red got fed up with Cid's, dramatic overreacting mourning over a stupid Mop, so Red bit Cid on the ass again and Cid stopped mourning and screamed in pain and ran toward his new home again with Red still clinging to his ass.

A few minutes later Cid was at the mansion and Nanaki finally let go. "Cid, where are we?"

"My new home!"

"What happened to your old home?"

"Why aren't you in Cosmo Canyon?"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"Exactly. You're welcome to stay if you want, under one condition."

"What's that?"

"You gotta make me tea when I tell you too, you DO know how to make tea right?"

Red sighed, he had a feeling that living with Cid was going to be rough, but it beat being chased by angry mobs. So the two of them went in the house unaware of the other three people already in there.

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Sandy scratched her head as she looked at the mansion. "Hmm….err…it didn't look like that in the picture, and the place looks like it could use some cleaning up."

"Don't worry, I'll hire a cleaning crew to take care of it." Rufus said.

"What are you going to pay them in? Chocolate? We're broke, remember?" Sandy reminded.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Damn that man to hell and back for spending his money."

Sandy sweatdropped. "Can we just go in now and explore the place?"

Rufus shrugged, "Sure…uh….whatever." He answered. The two blondes walked in the house and began to explore the place not even realizing five other people were in the home.

Sandy walked into the kitchen just missing Red as he walked out another door as she walked in. Rufus looked around the library missing Scarlet as she walked into another isle and left while Rufus examined the books, neither noticing each other. Cid peeked in the bedroom where Palmer had bent down behind the door to pick up his emergency small tub of lard and Hedigger was crouching down behind the bed to tie his shoe, Cid didn't notice either of the fat men as he looked around the room. None of the residents were aware of the other residents and there were still more residents to come.

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"Woo-hoo! New house welcome your new owner!" Yuffie; who was still covered in sticky notes; cheered delighted that she found the mansion.

'Hmm…I don't want to be like normal people who just go through the front door, I wanna do something different, make an entrance although no one will see it, but it'd still be fun.' Yuffie; being her weird self always had to make an entrance, thought. 'But what can I enter through?' She looked around and she finally saw it on the roof.

"The chimney!" She exclaimed and Yuffie began to climb the roof to make her entrance through the chimney.

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"OWWWWW! ZACK STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO KNOCK ME UNCONCIOUS IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT!" Sephiroth yelled as a running Zack was dragging him across the floor.

Zack had been running at top speed towards Sphiroth's new home and accidentally ramming Sephiroth into everything along the way there; like rocks, trees, poles, sane people that Sephy stabs when he comes across one, chocobos, animals, the list goes on and on.

After three minuets Zack had succeeded in knocking the all mighty god-like Sephitoth out by ramming him into a speeding bullet train going at 500 miles per hour.

"Uhhh Seph? Hello, anybody home?" Zack said while poking the unconscious body chained to him. "Hmmm, maybe he's taking a nap. Well, no use dragging dead weight, so I guess I'll just have to carry him." Zack mused to himself while throwing the fallen General over his shoulder and continued his journey to Sephitoth's new home.

A few minutes later the silver haired General came around and squeezed the nearest thing in a state of confusion, and that thing just so happens to be…Zack's ass. This startles the raven haired SOLDIER and Zack throws Sephy as hard as he could, which only resulted in the both of them falling on top of each other because of Zack's handcuffs.

"Stupid handcuffs." Sephiroth mumbles as he crawls out from under Zack.

"Why did you grab my ass?" Zack suddenly asked as he got up.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Sephiroth snapped, overreacting slightly, and blushing.

A smirk danced across Zack's lips. "You're blushing Seph!"

"No I'm not!" He yelled turning even more crimson with embarrassment.

"Yes you are. So you DID mean to touch my ass! Because you love me!" Zack declared.

"ALRIGHT! I admit it! I did do it on purpose because I have been secretly loving you for the past few years, happy now?"

Sephiroth had decided to knock his comrade out again and this time he dressed him in a drag. Don't ask why Sephiroth was carrying around a dress, he'd been planning to make Zack cross-dress for years now plus he was insane so it's reasonable to say he'd like putting people in drags.

Sephiroth dragged his boyfriend over to a pink chocobo and placed the both of them on it and rode off into the direction of the house.

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"I can't wait till we get to our new home how bout you Cloud?" Aeris asked.

"Just as long as we get there soon then I can collapse, have some water, and take a rest." Cloud said while breathing heavily. Cloud was tired, Aeris had been sitting on his shoulders and he had to carry her the whole way there and also drag the luggage, while Aeris got a ride on Cloud's shoulders and not having to set foot on the ground.

"Oh hush now! And pick up the pace Cloud were almost there!" Aeris commanded. Poor Cloud, obeying everything she tells him. But Cloud really didn't mind, he'd do anything for Aeris, and he does kind of owe her big time considering he accidentally sent her to her watery grave.

"Aerisssss! Can't we take a rest? I'm tired of carrying you!" Cloud whined. Aeris sighed.

"I guess a break wouldn't hurt." Aeris mumbled to herself. "Okay Cloud! Five minutes break and then we get back on track." Aeris told Cloud.

'Thank the Gods!' Cloud thought happily while dropping Aeris on the floor.

Aeris scowled at the blonde. "CLOUD! That hurt ya' know!"

"Huh?" Cloud stared at the brunette with a confused look on his face.

"Oh forget it!" Aeris shrieked while tugging in frustration at her hair.

The two of them rested for a short while, but Cloud suddenly forgot that they were taking a break, as he got distracted from a chocobo. "OOOOOO! A CHOCOBO, I'M GOING TO GO CATCH IT!" Cloud squealed upon seeing the big yellow bird.

The chocobo warked as this stupid human with hair like a chocobo began to approach him. "Here choco, choco. Come to Papa!" Cloud said as he leaped in an attempt to catch the bird.

The chocobo sidestepped, avoiding Cloud's leap leaving him to eat dirt. Cloud spit out some dirt and wiped his tongue on his hand, the chocobo warked in a way that made Cloud think it was laughing at him. "WHY YOU LITTLE….I'M GONNA BE EATEN CHOCOBO TONIGHT!" Cloud yelled and began to chase the giant bird.

This infuriated the chocobo so it went into its rabid attack mode and started to peck the living hell outta Cloud. "HELP, AERIS! A RABID CHOCOBO IS TRYING TO EAT MEEEE!" Cloud screamed in a high-pitched voice.

"That's nice dear. Now you keep playing pretend while I continue to rest." Aeris said absentmindedly not even realizing the bird assaulting the blonde. She figured maybe if she ignored Cloud, he'd get bored of sitting around and start carrying her to the mansion again. Unfortunately her plan backfired, by the time she realized Cloud wasn't playing pretend, he'd been so badly damaged he couldn't even walk, so AERIS ended up carrying Cloud to the mansion.

Aeris finally saw the house come into view and she sighed with relief seeing as she didn't have to give her boyfriend a piggyback ride anymore.

"Is that the house?" Cloud asked even though he probably knew the answer…or not. With his IQ being so low I'd have to invent a new number just to show you how low it is and it'll still being an understatement.

"Yes, that's the house Cloud. Now could you please get off my-" But Aeris couldn't finish her sentence because Cloud had gotten as excited as a little kid on Christmas, he started to bounce up and down against Aeris's back, with a few screams of "YAY!" or "WOOHOO!" coming from the blonde.

"OWWW! CLOUD! MY BACK! That REALLY hurts! Stop it or no more sugar for you!" Aeris threatened. Cloud stopped on a dime upon hearing he won't get sugar if he continues his behavior, after all Cloud loves his sugar. "Thank you, now get off!"

But before Cloud could get off, Aeris collapsed under his weight and her heavy, muscular boyfriend squished her. Cloud blinked, confused as to why Aeris was suddenly flat against the floor he continued to sit on her until Aeris finally kicked him in the behind.

Cloud screamed, scared of whatever just hit him. "Get…off…of…. ME!" Aeris yelled kicking Cloud in the ass again.

Cloud quickly executed Aeris's command and got off her. Aeris extended her hand out to him, expecting the blonde to grab it and help her up, but Cloud just stared at it with a blank face.

Aeris sweatdropped seeing as it would take the blond years to figure out what that simple jester meant. "Well help me up goddamnit!" She hinted. Cloud got the hint and helped the brunette up, and then he decided to carry her in the house.

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Tifa arrived at the mansion and began to drag her stuff in.

She closed the front door and looked around the place. "Well, it's certainly not the best place, but it still beats the crap outta my old house. Now where's the bathroom?" Tifa mused to herself.

Just as she turned to head to explore the house the door broke down with the Turks standing in the doorway. Tifa was about to yell, but a random pink Chcobo broke through the wall with a cross-dressing unconscious Zack chained to Sephiroth on board. A few seconds later, Yuffie fell down the chimney; still covered in her sticky notes; and landed in the fireplace. Reeve then walked in with Cait Sith who had a gun to Reeve's back; Cait Sith had been watching one too many spy movies and took Reeve hostage. Barret and Marlene…. just appeared out of thin air.

This caused the remaining residents in the house; Aeris, Cloud, Scarlet, Palmer, Red XIII, Cid, Hedigger, Sandy, and Rufus; to run to the room where the entire racket was coming from.

Silence.

"What the hell is going on here?" Elena finally said voicing everyone's' thoughts.

"I'd like to know too. Just what the hell are you all doing in my new home?" Yuffie said dusting the coal off her as she got out of the fireplace.

"Yer home? Who said it was yer home you brat! It my home!" Cid stated.

"Hey! Who the hell says it's your home? We got here first!" Scarlet said while pointing at Hedigger and Palmer.

"Jes' cause ya got here first doesn't mean it's yours. It's mine and Marlene's foo'!" Barret stated.

"No way! As president of ShinRa and being the wealthiest family, we claim this house!" Rufus stated formally.

"Bullshit Rufus! You're broke and ShinRa is out of business cause your old man spent all the money on chocolate. So, I leader of the Turks, claim this house." Reno said.

"Errr…. but I thought Tseng was leader?" Tifa said confused as to why Reno suddenly became commander even though Tseng is standing right behind him.

Elena explained Tseng's current state of mind quickly. "About that, well, since the ShinRa went bankrupt, Tseng went a little insane so now Reno is leader since he was second in command, although I have a feeling Reno's going to lead us off a cliff someday…" Elena trailed off when she saw the redhead glare daggers at her.

"But it's still our house." Cait Sith randomly yelled bringing everyone's attention back to the matter at hand.

Then all hell broke lose from there. Everyone started fighting, well, except Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zack. Zack because he was unconscious, Sephiroth because he's linked to Zack so he would end up risking his beloveds life, and Cloud because he was staring and drooling at the sight of Zack not even realizing that it's a guy in a drag,

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Vincent was sleeping peacefully in his coffin in the basement of the mansion. He was glad he moved to this new mansion and left the Nibelheim one, because his old home became a tourist attraction and he couldn't rest in peace with all those disturbances.

He was sleeping peacefully at least until he heard a ruckus coming from upstairs. 'Damn, can't I ever get any peace and quiet? Maybe it's a bunch of investigators again, maybe I can scare them away with my Vampire act again.' He thought annoyed over the commotion the people were causing.

Vincent leaped out of his coffin and patted it while saying, "Don't worry Mr. Coffin, I'll be back in a minute, I just have to go take care of a few things." Maybe Vinnie got a 'lil too attached to his coffin to actually name it Mr. Coffin, no?

Anyways, Vincent grabbed his Death Penalty and trudged up the stairs to go take care of what he though would be investigators but instead he got a surprise when he looked at the chaos that broke lose…

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Author's notes: Whew, another chapter done and I made it a cliffy cause it was getting to long and I'm tired, although personally this chapter didn't turn out how I wanted it to and didn't seem as good as the first chapter, but that's just me. Now for the review corner…

To Eclipse and Shadow: Thank you for being my first reviewer and telling me to continue, you guys certainly leave rather interesting reviews though. Enjoy the fic.

To BloodyChaosDragonKnight: (Accepts sugar and caffeine filled snacks and is also honored that one of the best humor writers likes her fic) Glad you loved it, I'll probably update every two days or so cause I have nothing to do, although I do plan on starting another fic soon. Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

To Sesshy is sexii: Thank you for reviewing and liking the fic. Yeah, in the last chapter I forgot to add in the AN that Vincent appears in the second chapter the fic just wouldn't be the same without him, as for the address of the mansion it just in some random location in the middle of nowhere, I didn't put much thought in to giving it an actual location cause I'm lazy. Glad you liked the Sephiroth part, I'm going to guess you liked the Sephy scene in this chapter too.

To Blue Kitsune: Hi sissy! I'm happy that you read my fic and gave me positive feedback, I somehow knew you'd like the ninja tests part best.

To FFlove190: Of course I put Zack in the fic; it will never be the same without him. I read in your bio that you enjoy making Cloud stupid, so you'll probably love the Cloud in this fic because I made him the king of all fools. Hopefully this chapter is easier to read than the first one though, glad you thought it was great for a first fic and that you think some attempts at humor are funny. And don't worry about me updating, since I have no life I'll update frequently…. but could you call your army of pop tarts off? They're starting to creep me out.

To Knight-Goddess: Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoy it.

To Dark Ice 777: Glad you thought it was funny.

Now I must go get sugar-high while I write my next chapter so I can have random insane ideas pop into my head for the next chapter.


	3. Fly Vinnie, fly!

Author's notes: This chapter kind of sucks compared to the others because I have no sugar in my house.

Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy VII then Reno and Rufus would be with AVALANCHE but I don't own it so it won't ever happen.

Warnings: (points at chapter two)…but a few new ones, ZackxCloud and cheese in a can.

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Vincent watched the pandemonium around him with wide eyes. He was wondering what the hell were all of these people doing in his mansion. He looked around to see what each insane person was doing and he then randomly pulled a bag of popcorn out of thin air to eat while he looked around.

Cloud was hitting on Zack not even noticing Sephy was giving him death glares and holding his Masamune in a threatening manner.

Scarlet was running around whacking people with a feather duster she found in the broom closet.

Aeris and Tifa were having a catfight over Cloud not even realizing that they were losing to Zack in winning Cloud's heart.

Palmer and Hedigger were sitting on top of Rude to prevent the bald from getting up and strangling the fat men's necks.

Reno and Rufus were fighting but nothing really happened because every time Reno planed to land a hit he couldn't make contact with his target because Sandy would either, pick Rufus up and move him to a new location of the room, block Reno's hit, or go pick Reno up and placed him across the room from Rufus, so because of Rufus's body guard their fight went nowhere.

Yuffie had pulled 'Cheese in a can' out of her pocket and sprayed it on Cid planning to make him suffocate with the cheese that was burying him or in other words; Cid was getting cheesed alive.

Cait Sith and Reeve got into a fight even though they were on the same team, Cait had accidentally fired a bullet and it almost hit Reeve's ass.

Elena was still clinging to the slightly saner than before Tseng. She hissed at everyone who got near her and Tseng. Unfortunately Red got curious and decided to stare at the two of them for the longest time, at least till Elena assaulted Nanaki thinking he wanted to steal Tseng all to himself.

Barret was randomly shooting bullets until Scarlet made the chandelier fall on top of Barret, Marlene just laughed at her father because she considered it revenge for grounding her.

Vincent got bored after about five minutes of watching the fights, plus he ran out of popcorn to eat, the mandatory snack to have when watching something entertaining, so that made Vinnie slightly gloomier too. Vincent decided to fire a loud gunshot to get everyone's attention and stop what he or she is doing.

Scarlet stopped whacking Tseng with the feather duster. Cloud stopped hitting on the dazed Zack, Sephiroth stopped in the act of ready to kill Cloud. Aeris and Tifa let go of each other's hair. Elena stopped biting Red; looks like he got a taste of his own medicine from the Tseng obsessed Elena. Sandy dropped Reno on the floor. Rude quit beating the shit out of Hedigger and Palmer, Reeve quit trying to reprogram Cait Sith number 532. And Yuffie stopped cheesing Cid.

Vincent managed to get everyone to stop their actions, but he didn't have control for long, cause Yuffie walked up to Vincent and blinked at him for a few seconds.

Yuffie took her 'cheese in a can' and held it in front of Vincent's face. He blinked at the can confused as to why she was showing him this. Then he found out why, Yuffie sprayed the cheese in his face and the wannabe vampire ran around blinded by the cheese.

"Yup, that's Vinnie alright." Yuffie declared as she watched the dark haired man run around with cheese in his face. Everyone sweatdropped upon hearing that the ninja didn't realize that was Vincent, no wonder she failed all her ninja tests.

"I coulda told you that!" Vincent yelled while rubbing his face with his cloak. "Now why are you all in my home? Never mind, just leave you idiots before I kill you all." Vincent said as he ushered them out the door.

"But Vincent we can't leave even if we had a place to live." Tifa said.

"Oh? And why's that? It's easy you just leave the yard and-"

"But we can't leave the yard, look were all fenced in." Tseng said observing the electrical fence that had randomly appeared sometime during the fight.

"Huh? That wasn't there this mornin'." Cid observed.

Vincent was crestfallen. "So you mean…. I'M STUCK WITH YOU IDIOTS!" Vincent yelled.

"Looks like it Vince." Sandy said as she examined the fence.

"NOOOOOOOOO! I promised Mr. Coffin I'd get rid of the disturbances." Vincent wept.

"Mr. Coffin? Who's Mr. Coffin? Wait! Never mind, don't answer that, something tells me I don't want to know." Reno said while using Nanaki's tail as a lighter to set Rufus's trench coat on fire. Sandy didn't bother to put the flame out because she likes pretty flames too, and Reno would just set Rufus's clothes ablaze again if she did put it out.

'Ummm…can someone get me down from here?" They heard Aeris call from inside the mansion. They all ran back inside to see Aeris had randomly teleported on the ceiling fan.

"Cloud, go save your woman." Sephiroth said hoping he'd leave Zack alone to grab his girlfriend.

"Oh right." Cloud said he then went into freak out mode. "Don't worry Aeris I'll save you!" Cloud yelled while looking around the room for something useful. He then decided to throw someone at her.

Cloud looked at the people he should throw, first at Cid; who smacked him with his Venus Gospel as an answer and then he ran off to go steal a mop Yuffie was stealing out of Vincent's broom closet, then at Reno; who inched slowly away from Cloud and decided to cling himself to Sandy since she was always moving, and then at Rufus; who got carried away by Sandy…literally.

Cloud sighed and decided to throw the nearest person in reach….Vinnie the vampire.

"Cloud, what are you doing?"

"FLY VINNIE, FLY!" Cloud screamed preparing to throw the ex-Turk.

"Wait a second! Put me down, down I sa-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Vincent screamed as he whizzed through the air and then he added 'ouch' when he collided with the wall completely missing Aeris.

"Cloud you idiot! You missed, and how would throwing Vincent at me help?" Aeris asked.

Cloud sighed and grabbed Sephirot and threw him at Aeris, the upside was that he got Aeris off the ceiling fan, but the downside was Cloud threw Sephiroth, who was chained to Zack, which resulted in throwing him too, so two men ended up on top of Aeris.

"Are you okay?" Cloud said concerned while running over to the three crumpled in a heap on the floor.

Aeris eyes twinkle when she heard that Cloud was actually being a better, more concerned boyfriend than usual. Aeris quickly stole a glance at Tifa, she was steaming furious. Aeris sniggered and decided to make this moment as dramatic as possible.

"Why, yes Cloud. Now that you're here, I never knew you cared so muc-"

"Quiet Aeris! I wasn't talking to _you_, I'm talking to the other chick in the dress who's handcuffed to Sephiroth." Cloud snapped.

Everyone sweatdropped realizing that Cloud thought Zack was a girl, not a guy in a puffy princess dress that was worn back in the old days.

"Cloud, that's Zack." Aeris said plainly.

"Oh, so that's her name. Kind of strange name for a girl huh?" Cloud said oblivious to Sephiroth, who was holding the masamune in a threatening manner.

"Cloud, that's Zack, in a dress, not a masculine babe in a dress." Aeris said hoping to get it through Cloud's thick skull that Zack is cross-dressing against his will.

"I know she looks manly but I love her all the same." Cloud said grabbing Zack hand and kissing it.

Zack woke up and stared at Cloud and he quickly pulled his hand away from Cloud's reach. "Cloud, it's me Zack; a man not woman. So stop ogling over me, and why the hell am I in a dress?" Sephiroth whistled innocently and tried to inch away from Zack, but he ended up dragging Zack with him because of the handcuffs.

"No, you're a woman! You're waaaay too cute to be a guy, besides you're in a dress; which I must say looks great on you because it brings out your complexion and your eyes." Cloud said.

Tifa and Aeris cried finding out they were in love with someone who was on the nuts side and that they were losing Cloud's heart to a guy in a drag.

The other girls; except Yuffie, her current whereabouts were in the kitchen; burst out laughing seeing as how stupid Cloud was to think Zack's a girl, and how oblivious Cloud was to Sephiroth who was ready to kill Cloud on the spot if he ever touched his woman…..errr man?…again.

All the other men made a mental note to stay away from Cloud if Sephy ever forces them in a dress.

Zack was being hit on yet again so he grabbed Cloud and smashed a vase over his head to knock out the annoying blonde.

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Author's notes: Okay this chapter really sucked because I'm low on caffeine and sugar and I'm sort of running out of ideas. So please write any ideas you have or something you want to see happen, include them in your review. Remember, review please! Now for the review corner…

To FFlove190: So you enjoyed Cloud's stupidity eh? More of that to come in future chapters.

To Sesshy is sexii: Yeah, I made Sephy put Zack in a drag because he's insane and leave it to Sephy to think a man in a dress is sexy. But the irony and foreshadowing, not sure what you mean there but I'll take it as a compliment even though I was aiming for stupidity and randomness. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed this chappy too.

To Eclipse and Shadow: Sure you can be in the fic, I'll just need descriptions and a way to figure out how to place you guys in the fic.

To BloodyChaosDragonKnight: I had a feeling you'd enjoy the ZackxSephy part. And for the Yuffie's test part, I was somewhat aiming toward a Naruto-ish sort of thing.


	4. Hyper girls and caffeine don't mix Part1

Author's notes: This is the fourth chapter of trapped and this chapter has two parts for many reasons. And this is personally my favorite chapter so far.

Disclaimer: You know what I own and don't own.

Warnings: Same as last ones just more insanity and randomness.

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"Hey, has anyone seen Yuffie?" Vincent asked dusting himself off from when Cloud chucked him into the wall.

Tseng, who was turning an interesting shade of blue from lack of air from Elena's death grip, spoke up. "Last I saw was Cid stealing a mop from her. Maybe you should go ask him."

Just as he said that Cid came running in like a madman, screaming the most random things; something about an evil lemon named Bob wanting to take over the world; and hitting people as he ran by them with the mop he stole from Yuffie, who stole from the house.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE! THE EVIL LEMON KING BOB IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! QUICK TO THE BUNKERS!" Cid screamed while hitting people as he ran.

Sandy halted in trying to pry herself free from Reno's grip since he had wrapped his arms around her waist when he deciding to cling to the blonde. She gave up since he refused to let go and looked up at Rufus with confuse blue eyes.

"Bob the lemon? I think Cid's smoked one to many of those crazy cigs of his. I mean LEMONS trying to take over the world." Sandy questioned.

"Sand, you're in no position to talk, you think monkeys are trying to take over the world." Rufus responded coolly.

"It's not as bad as you Ru-Ru-chan-" Reno stifled his laughter when he heard that name. "-you think **_trees, _**of all things, are trying to conquer the world." She shot back ignoring Reno's suppressed laughter.

Rufus got on the defensive side. "Well….it's **_true!_** Why else would they be located all around the world except Midgar? They must be plotting something, like how to overthrow me, that's why they don't grow in Midgar! So I can't hear the trees talk about their evil plans of taking over the world." He exclaimed.

The blonde bodyguard crossed her arms over her chest-with great difficulty mind you since Reno's hands had been snaking their way up to her upper torso area, which Sandy promptly hit Reno on the head for, making his hands retreat back to her waist- and scowled at the orange/blonde haired president. "Same with monkeys." She answered.

Reno couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing, he probably would've fallen to the floor if he hadn't been clutching on to Sandy's waist, although he did loosen his grip, but quickly tightened it again when the blonde tried running out of his grasp.

"What are you laughing at Reno? I'm sure in your crazy insane mind you probably think something is trying to take over the world too." Rufus said as he watched the laughing redhead.

Reno stopped laughing long enough to answer. "Of course I think something is trying to take over the world," he started. "Personally, I think it's asparagus. That disgusting tasting stuff has no sugar or caffeine in it meaning I can't get hyper on it, plus I think it's trying to replace all of the sugar and caffeine filled snacks and it's the ultimate evil, if that's not a reason to believe it's trying to take over the world, I don't know what is." Reno answered.

"You, know he's actually got a point." Sandy said with Rufus nodding in agreement. "And are you ever going to let go of me?" She added as an afterthought.

"No." Reno answered in a childish voice while embracing her tighter, which annoyed Rufus. The three of them continued to talk about the things they thought were going to take over Gaia.

Reeve couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. The President of Shin-Ra, the bodyguard, and the red haired Turk were all having a some-what sane; except for the part of the monkeys, trees, and asparagus taking over the planet, that was the insane half of their conversation; discussion, farfetched, but still rather sane. He wanted to join in the conversation because it was probably going to be the only time those three; or anyone in the house for that matter; were going to be/act semi-sane.

Except he couldn't leave his spot. Cid had tied him, Palmer, and Heidigger to a pedestal for what Cid called 'Safety measures.' Reeve was about to call for Vincent so maybe he could untie him but then a green blur screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" in a high-pitched voice, ran past him and stole his shirt without taking off his jacket. Weird, huh?

Reeve tried to track the blur but he couldn't find it, so he just concentrated on forming a plan on how to undo the twist-ties Cid tied him to the pedestal with.

The blur ran to Vincent screaming "VIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" as loud as the high-pitched voice could scream, cracking a few mirrors as it did so.

The green blur knocked Vincent down and began jumping up and down hysterically. Vincent quickly got up and saw that the blur was a very hyper Yuffie. Yuffie jumped on Vincent's back like he was going to give her a piggyback ride.

"Uh-oh. Yuffie, I thought I told you to avoid eating, touching, wearing, stealing or bothering anything that was red, like Reno's hair, Scarlet's dress, Vincent's cloak, Red XIII, Aeris's jacket, cherry candy, and other unmentionable things. You're probably sugar-high from eating cherry candy now aren't you?" Tifa said fully aware of Yuffie's strange addiction to the color red.

"I didn't. The stuff I ate was brown and powdery, and it tasted bitter." Yuffie said innocently starting to jump up and down on Vincent's back again.

"Yuffie that was coffee, so now you're caffeine high." Vincent said in monotone.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, COFFEE! YAY FOR COFFEE!" Yuffie squealed at the top of her lungs with delight.

"LOOK! Yuffie something shiny!" Vincent said.

"SHINEY? WHERE? TELL ME WHERE THE SHINY IS VINIE! MY LIFE DEPENDS ON SHINEY THINGS!"

"Uhhhhh….alllllllll the way over there. At the other side of the house." Vincent said hoping to get the brat off his pained back.

Yuffie took off in a flash while screaming "I MUST STEAL TEH SHINY!"

"Whew, maybe she'll be gone for a long time since nothing in this house is shiny." Vincent said sighing with relief and Tifa nodded at him. Two seconds later Yuffie came running back in carrying Rude, who's bald head was shiny.

"IS THIS THE SHINY!" She asked.

"……." Both Vincent and Rude said. Yuffie quickly lost interest in Rude's shiny head and she ran around looking like a green blur again, stealing people's materia, Cid's mop-who cried when he found out his mop was taken away again- articles of clothing, and she set fire to Cait Sith.

"MY GOD THE CAT'S ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! NO! NO DON'T STOMP ON HIM!" Reeve screamed as he watched Cloud try to put the flaming Cait Sith out by stomping on the flames. Reeve fainted when Cait Sith was no longer in flames but heavily damaged. (A/N: Please don't flame me Cait Sith lovers, he's still alive, but then again you guys probably would've flamed me already in the earlier chapters considering this is Cait Sith number 532 meaning he already died 531 times.)

Yuffie then ran behind Cloud and knocked him out and she dragged the unconscious blonde to Zack. The raven haired man grinned mischievously, nodded as in saying he accepted the spiky haired blonde.

Zack then stole Cloud's clothes and put them on himself instead; with a little bit of difficulty since Sephy was watching him change the whole time and the handcuffs also didn't help much either. Zack then dressed Cloud in the puffy princess dress and put the blonde wig, golden tiara, applied make-up, and all those other accessories that Cloud once wore when he cross-dressed.

'Boy he'll be in for a big treat when he wakes up. Maybe he'll think he's a girl since he thought I was one when I was wearing a dress.' Zack thought chuckling at the thought. Sephitoth was saddened that his love was no longer cross-dressing but if it got rid of Cloud then he'd deal with it.

Yuffie was now cheesing alive every person she ran past, her current victim was Elena and Tseng, and she had already cheesed alive Scarlet, Nanaki, Marlene, Barret, and Mop Lover Boy a.k.a. Cid.

Elena didn't care because if she was going to die, she was going to die with the love of her life….err….more like person she clings to and refuses to ever let go again unless it's to assault someone/thing that was staring at her Tseng.

Tseng cared if he was going to die because he already did die and he found it unpleasant, plus he was going to die with a person who was obsessed with him and worshipped him in a scary way. Not to mention Elena's glomp wouldn't let Tseng breath much and he felt he was going top burst if she squeezed any harder.

"TSENG IF THIS IS THE END REMEMBER I LOVE YOU!" Elena yelled embracing him tighter thinking she or Tseng was going to die. Tseng rolled his eyes, barley able to breathe from her tight hug turning purple in the face this time. Tseng hoped the cheese would kill him before Elena did.

Suddenly Elena fell on the floor asleep. Tseng poked her with the toe of his shoe afraid she might attack him again. The color was starting to return to Tseng's face and he looked at Yuffie who had stopped spraying cheese at them and she was holding a material. Apparently she had cast sleep on Elena. Yuffie waved to Tseng and zoomed to the kitchen to get more coffee.

As she ran there, Yuffie pick-pocketed the three semi sane people who were still discussing the matters of what was going to take over the world first. The caffeine-high girl ended there semi-sanity when she stole Sandy's materia, Reno's socks, and Rufus's black chocker.

They walked over to Vincent and asked what happened.

"Nothing new. Yuffie just ate coffee powder, she's probably getting more, and knowing her she's probably going to get another person caffeine high so they can be just as insane and destructive." Vincent replied.

"Uh-oh. She better not give coffee to Sandy." Rufus said while glancing at the blonde who was still trying to escape from the redhead's clutches.

"Why?" Aeris suddenly asked from her spot on the floor next to Vincent.

"It's a long story…." Rufus began.

/**_Flashback one year ago/_**

Rufus's eyes tried keeping up with the blonde blur that was bouncing around the room ever since she had her coffee. 'I'll kill Hojo for giving her this stuff, he knows that someone is coming to assassinate me and I need my bodyguard alert, and instead she's running around, it's like he wants me dead.' Rufus thought annoyed.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE!" Sandy screamed trailing glitter behind her and setting things on fire while she ran around. She eventually couldn't be kept in the office room much longer and she broke out and was now running around the company causing havoc and chaos everywhere she went.

"Oh-no. She's my responsibility I better go find her before the building collapses. SANDY COME BACK HERE!" Rufus yelled chasing after the sparkly blur and following some of the random things she set on fire.

Sandy had entered Palmer's office and began to spray silly string and throw confetti everywhere. Palmer entered the office and dropped his lard on the floor because of the sight of his office. Sandy blinked at the Head of Space Department, she then took out a 'fresh scent' can and sprayed it in Palmer's eyes. The fat man ran around blinded by the spray that burned his eyes and the cleansing feeling.

He eventually tripped and fell face first on the floor knocking him out and Sandy began to jump on his back causing much pain to the fat man. She quickly got bored of her makeshift trampoline and grabbed all of Palmer's lard and dropped out the window. She then resumed her insanity by setting things aflame.

"AHHHHHH! SAND WHAT DID YOU DO! WE MIGHT NEED THIS DEPSRTMENT!" Rufus yelled as he saw the destruction the caffeine high girl caused. Rufus quickly put out the flames with the sprinklers but he then regretted it when he saw Palmer on the floor. "You mean I saved the Head of Space Department? Damn I should of let him and the department burn to the ground, oh well, at least now it'll help my reputation. C'mon Sand, back to the office…." But Sandy was no longer in the room. She had made a big hole in the wall and was now somewhere else in the building.

"Holy f-in' shit. How the hell did she do that?" Rufus said in awe but he quickly let it slide down his shoulder and started his search for his childhood friend again.

Sandy was currently in Reeve's office alone with Cait Sith number 472. Sandy grinned evilly at the cat and Cait Sith didn't like that maniac glint in her eye and he was confused as to why she was acting strange, he tried to run away but he couldn't cause he was cornered.

Sandy threw a pillow at Cait Sith, and the toy cat exploded; hard to believe that thing helped defeat Sephiroth if he blew up when a pillow was thrown at him, guess Reeve didn't give him a good defense. Don't worry Reeve made a new Cait Sith all the way up to Cait Sith number 532 'cause they kept dying….anyways back to what Sandy was doing.

She had started ripping up Reeve's books to shreds while singing some random insane song, and stealing his/Cait Sith's materia. She then decorated the place with pink banners, glitter, and red paint.

Reeve walked in a second later and looked at his newly decorated place and fainted. Sandy grinned and poked Reeve for a few seconds before Rufus showed up at the door panting.

"Sandy come back and be a good…..shit I lost her again." Rufus says noticing the hole in the wall that was her size. Rufus ran down the hall again looking for the more insane than usual blonde.

Sandy ran from room to room causing destruction everywhere. She stopped at the Turks' lounge and began to set things aflame, Reno enjoyed what she was doing and helped her by setting the carpet on fire. Sandy ran around screaming and destroying the lounge by covering it in toilet paper and redecorating it by her self- with the help of the insane redhead that likes what she's doing.

Tseng's eyes twitched as his paper work and desk burst into flames courtesy of Reno and Sandy. She than ran by looking like a blur again and grabbed the Wutaiin man by his dark hair and dragged him across the room, she just meant to steal his hair but she ended up dragging him.

Sandy blinked at the body still attached to the hair, she found no use for it and dragged Tseng towards Elena. Sandy offered the end of Tseng's hair to the blonde with shorter hair. Elena grinned and her eyes took on a hearty look, she grabbed Tseng and started to glomp him.

Rude tried to catch Sandy for all the destruction she caused, but he dived and missed. Sandy did a little happy dance on Rude's baldhead and then she heard Rufus run towards the lounge.

"Uh-oh, it's the fuzz. BYE RENO!" Sandy said as she tossed a grenade into the wall and running through the hole it caused setting the trashcan on fire as she left too.

Reno waved happily back at her, he was probably the only ShinRa employ who liked the fire and destruction she caused, after all he was kind of a pyromaniac too.

Rufus ran in the lounge and his eyes were basically budging out of his head after seeing what destruction the Turk and bodyguard caused. He didn't even need to ask where she went because he saw the hole in the wall and ran through it while passing by Reno; who was finishing's Sandy's job of burning the place, Tseng and Elena; who was being glomped and glomping, and Rude; who was holding his head because it hurt after Sandy danced on it.

Scarlet was curious as to why Sandy was taking all her rocket launchers and launching them in the building. The hyper blonde was aiming at all things flammable and setting them aflame when she shot them. A sane person gave her a weird look and Sandy fired a rocket at him and laughed evilly at the innocent sane person.

Scarlet sweatdropped, she liked torturing sane people as much as Sandy, but she didn't have to waste her rocket. 'Ahh, what the hell, if you can't beat em' join em'.' Scarlet thought while picking up a rocket launcher and hitting sane people with Sandy while laughing 'KYA HA AH HA!'

Five minutes later Sandy left and ran into the air vent shortly before a tired Rufus asked where the insane girl went. Rufus started going crazy- although he was never really that sane to begin with; from looking for the blur that was Sandy.

Sandy was in the vent and she was over Heidigger's office, Sandy looked at the messy desk covered with pizza and she dropped a lit match in it along with a few other things that won't please Heidigger. With a satisfied smirk she continued her journey in the vent.

After awhile the vent couldn't support her much longer cause the ceiling was weak, she fell through the floor and landed in Hojo's lab.

Sandy looked at all the experiments he had caged in and she started to let them free to run amuck.

"BE FREE INNOCENT CREATURES! BE FREEEEEEEEEEE!" She shrieked.

"AH-HA! Finally…..I…..found…you…." Rufus said sluggishly walking towards her.

"HI RUFUS! LIKE WHAT I DID!" She asked the exhausted president.

"YOU! Why…I…should..oh forget it, I'm too tired to threaten you." Rufus said not even noticing hi assassinator was creeping up behind him.

Sandy saw the man and grinned, she grabbed a bottle and chucked it at the man's face, the bottle whizzing straight passed Rufus. "WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sandy screamed as she threw the bottle.

Rufus thought she was aiming to hit him but then he heard a cry of pain come from behind him.

"OH FUCK! YOU LITTLE BITCH! WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO YOU!" The man said clutching his bloody face. Rufus turned around and saw the person who tried to kill him lying on the floor.

Sandy got more energy and began to do a happy jig on the bleeding man. Rufus sweatdropped, he never expected a more insane Sandy to save him. "That's it, no more coffee for you missy."

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sandy screamed in response, and spent the rest of her energy beating up the sane killer, or dancing on him, depends what she felt like doing.

**_/ End Flashback/_**

Everyone was silent after hearing that story.

Reno suddenly fell to the ground, he'd been leaning on Sandy, but she just disappeared from his grasp.

"Uhhhh…where'd blondey go?" Tifa asked confused as to how a girl could just disappear in thin air when someone was evening holding said girl.

"Errrr….I think I know where. Look." Scarlet said pointing to her left.

Yuffie was standing in front of Sandy who had been tied and gagged to a chair. Yuffie was smiling mischeviously and was holding a brown materia. "BEHOLD! I'VE INVENTED A NEW MATERIA THAT TEMPERARLY MAKES PEOPLE CAFFEINE AND SUGAR HIGH MWAHAHAHAH- UGH! I think I swallowed a bug." Yuffie wheezed.

Vincent's eyes widened. "That can't be good!" He exclaimed realizing what Yuffie was going to do.

"NOW I SHALL DEMONSTRATE ON HER AND SHE'LL HELP ME CAUSE DESTRUCTION AND INSANITY! MWAHAHAHA!" Yuffie threw the materia at her subject and whatever sanity Sandy had; which wasn't much to begin with but enough to keep herself under control; she had lost it all when the materia made contact with her, she defiantly wasn't the least bit sane now…..

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Author's notes: I made it a cliffy because this was getting too long and this first part of chapter four was about how Yuffie acts sugar high and what Sandy did in the building when Hojo gave her coffee. I personally like this chapter the best so far, hope you reader will enjoy it too. I probably won't be able to update until next week cause I need a break my hands getting tired since I'm typing non stop a day cause I have nothing to do, I MIGHT update 2 days the earliest but a week the latest, cause I'm still a little low on ideas it's a miracle I even made this chapter. Remember REVIEW.

Review corner:

To Shale 101: kinda late for reviewing cause I already installed the third chapter so I couldn't put you in the last review corner, sorry, glad you liked the fic and found it funny.

To Sesshy is sexii: Thank you, you have just boosted my self-esteem, I had a feeling someone would soon get curious about the title of chapter 3 until they read about Cloud's line that is, and you're not strange, I've met very weird people before. I think in this chapter I hit the jackpot of randomness.

To FFlove190: This chapter probably wasn't to much of your liking as much as the other chapters because it had more to do with Sandy and Yuffie. Hope you still get a good kick out of it though, and I hope this cheers Zack up too.

To BloodyChaosDragonKnight: You'll probably love this chapter because it's so random. Yuffie's cheese attack just popped into my head and for the throwing people at Aeris I actually got from an inspiration when I remember I screamed "FLY BUTTERFLY, FLY" out in public once when I was little. Thanks for the idea of putting Cloud in a drag and making him think he's a woman, although I'm sure if you did a one-shot about that I'm sure it'll blow mine out of the dust.

To sylverskyz: Just don't hurt yourself when reading random lines, well Zack is no longer in a dress because now Cloud's wearing it, and yes Cloud is stupid, and true poor saner than everyone else but still insane Vincent, all he wants to do is go back to sleep in Mr. Coffin.


	5. Hyper girls and caffeine don't mix Part2

Author's notes: Hurray, I finally got off my last ass and updated, I'll try to update sooner for the next chapter. Here's the second part of Hyper girls and caffeine don't mix, hope you all enjoy the randomness and insanity. Oh and a note to Eclipse and Shadow, I based your appearances off of what I've read in Random Insanity 2: Back with a Vengeance and Caffeine Induced Insanity.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII or it's cast, I'm just borrowing it without permission. I do own my OC Sandy Mikage…and Eclipse and Shadow belong to Eclipse and Shadow.

Warnings: Same as usual.

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Everyone; but Yuffie who was too busy trying to figure out why her materia wouldn't work more then once, stared with wide eyes at the sugar high girl bounded to the chair.

Rufus gave Sandy less than two seconds before she would break loose and cause chaos and destruction again.

Half a second later Sandy was loose and running around the house looking like a blur causing pandemonium everywhere she went. Yuffie crackled maniacally and joined the blonde in the fun.

Yuffie they could deal with since they could keep track of her even if she was a blur, but Sandy….you just couldn't track her no matter how hard you tried.

The Yuffie blur zoomed towards Vincent and stole his gauntlet because it was shiny, she then proceeded to dance on Vincent's shoulder blade just for the sake of bugging him.

Sandy had grabbed Red XIII's tail and began to drag him across the house while using the tail as a lighter. As she zoomed around she had somehow stolen Rufus's black turtleneck and Reno's dress-shirt, then she did what she's always wanted to do burn them so they could remain shirtless.

Rufus was not happy about that because first Reno had set his trench coat on fire and now Sandy burned his turtleneck, now that he was shirtless Tifa was starting to look at him funny, Rufus silently prayed that she wouldn't become his stalker.

Yuffie, had been whizzing by as a blur again but this time she was a red blur, she kept running until Sandy tripped her. Sandy crackled like a maniac as she looked at the fallen ninja. She then ran off deciding she'd resume her reign of destruction on the house and residents by setting the walls on fire, stealing articles of clothing, annoying Reno and Rufus because she was fond of them, and casting random spells on people.

Yuffie got up and they saw that she had stolen Vincent's cloak…come to think of it where did Vincent go? Aeris then noticed then Yuffie was holding a frog, Aeris narrowed her eyes and said, "Yuffie, where'd you get the frog?" She asked while trying to ignore Sandy who was poking Aeris's forehead.

"This? I'd like you all to meet VINNIE THE FROGGIE!" Everyone but Sandy sweatdropped, instead she cast mini on Cid for the sake of losing interest in Aeris's forehead.

Yuffie then took off again with the scared to death Vincent-frog in her arms.

Sandy was throwing confetti everywhere with a midget Cid following every step she took. When Sandy cast mini on Cid his mop squished him, so he was now trying to get his revenge or have the blonde turn the captain back to his normal size, but instead he got run over by the girl on accident.

Suddenly a mob of chocobos ran through the house running over poor Reeve. Yuffie was seen riding on top of a purple one laughing her ass off. "THE TOILETS MADE ME DO IT!" she randomly screamed while plopping Vinnie the frog down on a pink Chocobo standing next to hers. The frog sweatdropped, 'Of all the chocobos she puts me on..' Vincent thought.

Sandy smiled evilly at Rufus as she climbed on top of a green chocobo while picking up mini Cid and placing him on the tiny white chocobo that Yuffie had somehow stolen from Mideel without leaving the house.

Rufus knew that smile all too well, he knew it meant she was up to something, he figured it had to do something to do with mustard, don't ask why but he just had a feeling that it had to do with mustard.

"CHOCOBOS MOVE OUT AND HELP US CAUSE DISTRUCTION AND INSANITY!" Yuffie screamed. The chocobos warked and began their stampede around the house. Sephiroth quickly got him and Zack on their pink chocobo; which Sephiroth has named Pinky the Paperclip of Insanity-ness; and joined the army of chocobos to cause destruction.

Sandy and her chocobo- the Balloon of Destruction; ran everywhere around the house with trees randomly sprouting out from where ever the Balloon of Destruction stepped.

Rufus screamed when he saw the trees. "WOHMYGOD! IT'S HAPPENING! TREES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! SAVE ME!" Rufus screamed running around, and having a mental break down because he thought the trees were here to overthrow him. Rufus had gotten so scared that he hid behind Tifa, who sweatdropped seeing that the President was scared of trees.

Cid and his tiny chocobo; the Mop of Doom; were trying to keep up with the bigger chocobos but they failed miserably, so Cid just grabbed a mini mop and hit people's feet while riding the Mop of Doom.

Sandy had stolen Sephiroth's Masamune and Cloud's Buster Sword somehow, she gave the Buster Sword to Yuffie; who flushed it down the toilet, which obviously clogged it, then Sandy used the Masamune as a plunger, but it ended up getting stuck in the toilet too.

Cloud woke up and looked around, the place was a mess and he wondered how long he'd been out.

Trees were sprouting everywhere; Cid was less than six inches tall riding on a mini chocobo whacking people's shoes with a mini mop; Rufus was cowering behind Tifa and muttering something about trees taking over the world; Sandy was crackling like a maniac while she frosted people alive and attempted to bake Scarlet, Reeve, Tseng and Elena into a cake; Palmer and Heidigger were running for their lives from Sephy, Pinky the Paperclip of Insanity-ness while Zack had no other choice to hold on to Sephiroth's torso or he'd fall off because the chocobo was running at breakneck speed and he did not want to be dragged that fast across the floor. Vinnie the frog was riding his pink chocobo-who he named Mrs. Coffin even though it's a male chocobo, and was chasing Aeris because Mrs. Coffin wanted to eat her hair and everything she was wearing that was pink. Yuffie was torturing Reno and Rude because she had plastered the both of them to the wall; by covering them in syrup and ants; so she could have target practice. Red XIII had set a bunch of marshmallows on fire on accident and Sandy had just finished backing the four ShinRa workers into a cake, so she grabbed the flaming marshmallows and began to throw them at Nanaki, Barret, and Cait Sith; soon Yuffie ran out of shurikens to throw at the sticky Turks, so she helped herself to some flaming marshmallows and threw them everywhere.

Cloud then looked at himself and wondered what the hell he was doing in a dress. "Hmmm….This can only mean one thing," Cloud started, thinking he figured out why he was in a dress. "….I turned into a women overnight!" Cloud declared sounding proud of himself thinking that he made a record of changing gender in a few hours.

"Hmmm….maybe I should get a boyfriend now that I can't date that hot chic Zack because she's probably not into women…..now lets see who to date?" Cloud muttered to himself while scanning the room for an attractive male. Unfortunately for Zack, him and Sephiroth just happened to be running by while Cloud searched for his (her in Cloud's mind) man.

Pinky the Paperclip of Insanity-ness ran by Cloud and Cloud fell in love yet again with the poor raven-haired SOLIDER. "Wow, he can sweep me off my feet anytime! Um… excuse me sir!" Cloud yelled as he took off to follow the pink chocobo.

A few seconds later Cloud caught up with Sephiroth, Pinky, and Zack, "Excuse me, good sir, my name is Miss Cloud, would you be so kind as to tell me your name." Cloud said introducing himself and indicating Zack with his question.

Sephiroth sweatdropped and hugged Zack closer to him afraid he might lose him to this blonde idiot. Zack on the other hand narrowed his eyes at the blonde not believing that Cloud thought he was a women and that he was hitting on him for the umpteenth time this day. Zack just sighed and decided to toy with the gender-confused blonde.

"My name is Zack, nice to meet you….uh… Miss Cloud?"

"Yup, that's me. Zack, eh? Funny, I used to know a chic named Zack, and you look a lot like her, I wonder where she went? Oh well, so can you maybe ditch the white haired geezer and show lil' me around?" Cloud asked in what was suppose to be a sexy voice.

'Is he hitting on me again?' Zack thought. He then turned to see how Sephiroth was taking being called a 'White haired geezer.'

Sephiroth was enraged and was about to unsheathe his Masamune but he then remembered that it wasn't there because of the toilet incident involving Sandy and Yuffie; who were still running around in the background singing insane and pyromaniac versions of some classic, holy songs while causing chaos; so instead the silver haired SOLIDER grabbed Zack and stabbed Cloud with Zack's pointy-yet-not-as-pointy-as-Cloud's hair

"Heh." Sephiroth laughed as he saw Cloud fall unconscious on the floor for the umpteenth time that day. Zack cautiously poked Cloud to make sure he was out cold. When Zack confirmed it true, Sephiroth embraced his beloved to show that Zack was his property and no one else could take him away from him.

Zack sweatdropped, he was starting to like Sephy back too, but did he have to treat him like a damsel in distress? Anyways, suddenly a huge amount of Buster Swords fell out of Zack's/Cloud's pants.

"So that's where Cloud puts the swords. But how the hell can he fit that and a bunch of items in his pants? He must carry around a portable black hole in his pants. Oh well. MY SWORDS! THEY'RE BACK! EVEN BUSTY AND SWORDY! I MISSED YOU!" Zack screamed as he embraced all his old Buster Swords that Cloud stole from him.

Poor Zack didn't get to bond much longer with his swords, for Sandy had shoved them down the sink. Zack cried. Sephy squeezed his ass in hopes of making him feel better or for the fact that he wanted to, yeah I'm betting the latter of the options.

Yuffie's chocobo; Queen Arthur; was now randomly warking in the tune of the chicken dance and started dancing with the Balloon of Destruction. Soon all the chocobos joined in the chicken dance, excluding the Mop of Doom and Mrs. Coffin because they still had Mini Cid and Vinnie the Froggie on them.

Mostly everyone sweatdropped at the chocobos' dance number, but a few others found it actually entertaining.

Yuffie and Sandy stared at the chocobos enjoying the show before returning to do their pyromaniac, insane, chaotic filled good deeds.

Sandy had somehow shoved both Palmer and Heidigger into a rice cooker and Yuffie was trying to flush all sorts of things down the toilet, like a tree that she chopped down and landed on the now traumatized Rufus.

Suddenly two people crashed through the roof making everyone stare at the new comers. Even Yuffie and Sandy even paused in their destruction to see who these new people were.

One of them was a kitsune-girl with ankle length black hair; she had eight black tails with red tips and black fox ears. The other one was a guy who resembled Sephiroth a bit, except he had twenty-four gray tails with blue tips, blue eyes, and his hair was black with red tips and he had grey wolf ears.

The new people who had somehow crashed through the roof intrigued Sandy and Yuffie and the two girls set aside their slight hyper activeness temporarily and decided to move closer. No body stopped them because they figured the new comers weren't sane either and it would be best to let the hyper girls interact with them.

"Who are you people?" Sandy questioned while poking the guy's forehead out of pure curiosity and to be annoying. Yuffie was tugging on the on the girls tails to see if they were real.

"Eclipse." The guy said while twitching slightly in annoyance over the blonde that wouldn't stop poking him.

"Eclipse? Where?" Sandy asked while looking at the sky searching for the eclipse.

"No not that kind of eclipse, my name is Eclipse." The guy answered. He looked at his partner who was trying to swipe Yuffie away from her tails. "Oh, and that over there what your friend is tugging on is Shadow." He added as an afterthought.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Sandy asked now resuming her poking.

"Nope." Eclipse answered along with a 'Let go or I'll set you on fire.' From Shadow.

"Really cause I swear….never mind. So how'd you get here?" Sandy asked as she watched in amusement of Shadow setting the cloak Yuffie was wearing on fire since Yuffie wouldn't let go of the kitsune's tails.

"We were skydiving without parachutes thanks to someone's brilliant idea to throw the parachutes out the plan before we dived." Shadow said while glaring at Eclipse.

He shrugged in response to Shadow's statement. "Seemed like a good insane idea at the time." Eclipse answered.

"You guys are insane." Sandy said.

"Why thank you, no one's ever said anything as nice as that to us." Eclipse said.

"Your welcome, since you're insane too, I like you already." Sandy said. "Right Yuffie? Yuffie? Uh Yuff?" Sandy questioned looking for her partner. She caught Yuffie on the ceiling fan. Sandy looked at Shadow who was whistling innocently while tying Vincent's cape around her neck and edging nearer to Sephiroth.

Yuffie then fell off the fan and landed face first on the floor. The two girls were suddenly their hyper selves again and ran around causing destruction again. Eclipse and Shadow helped a bit but they were mainly just watching the destruction with amusement to see what the girls were capable of.

Yuffie was able to shove one last thing down the toilet, a broom, until the toilet finally exploded. Yuffie squealed and clapped her hands together while screaming "THE TOILET TOLD ME TO DO IT!"

The Masamune and Buster Sword flew out of the toilet landing in random spots. The Buster Sword landed right betweens Cloud's leg barley missing his sensitive area, Cloud looked up to see the sword and promptly fainted again. The Masmune….well, it didn't land as non-violently….it sorta impaled Aeris again.

"Oh shit." Aeris said as she died again. Sephiroth poked the dead Aeris and laughed evilly seeing that his sword killed her. He then removed the sword and sheathed it again. Tseng sweatdropped and threw the dead Aeris a phoenix down to revive her, unfortunately since it was Tseng who revived her she was now glomping the poor Turk as a payment to him for bringing her back to life. Also she was now competing with Elena for Tseng, poor guy is probably going to be glomped to death.

Sandy began to set a couple of the walls on fire except for the few that she was, err, talking to and she thought were talking back.

Reno had finally managed to peel himself off the wall and he walked towards Rufus.

"We have no other choice but to sedate them," Rufus said while taking out his shotgun.

"Rufus, no!" Tifa yelled while staring at the shotgun with wide eyes thinking he was going to silence the two girls forever.

"Don't worry you pacifist, I have tranquilizing darts that are meant to be used on humans." Rufus loaded his shotgun with the darts while Reno kept look out for the two girls.

"Well hurry up." Tifa urged while she scooted to the sofa incase Sandy or Yuffie came to near.

Rufus took aim and was ready to fire at Yuffie but Sandy pounced on him like a wild cat, as he tried to dodge the blonde his gun went off. Sandy then left the President alone and took off around the house again. Across the room Sephiroth collapsed on top of Zack sleeping, Zack was stuck there under Sephiroth cause he couldn't move from underneath the bigger man.

"Nice shot Mr. Prez." Reno grumbled sarcastically while snatching the shotgun out of Rufus's hands.

Tifa scurried to find a hiding place, not only from the insane girls but to hide from the shotgun wielding Reno.

Sandy and Yuffie came back around and circled their hunter. They grabbed some furniture and began throwing the projectile items at Reno. Reno dodged most of them till a book collided with the back of his head causing him to pull the trigger in shock. Suddenly Tifa collapsed and tumbled down the staircase and met the floor asleep.

"You were saying?" Rufus scolded the red haired Turk stealing back his shotgun to reload. The two of them took turns in trying to shoot the girls but to no avail.

Rufus had shot a wall, Vincent the frog who fell off his chocobo, Mini Cid who fell in the toilet because he was looking at all the stuff in there, Reeve who got trampled by more chocobos, and a vase.

Reno shot Elena, Aeris, and Tseng all in one shot, Rude who got stuck to a tree, Nanaki who fell asleep on top of Marlene, Cloud's spiky hair, a chocobo, Eclipse and Shadow who took no affect of the tranquilizer because they are immune, and finally a lamp.

"We're almost out of darts, give me the gun I gave better aim than you!" Rufus announced.

"No way, I came a lot closer to hitting them than you!"

"Give it. I have a better chance of hitting them."

"Shut up! I'm gonna do it."

Soon Reno and Rufus were now fighting over the shotgun and began trying to snatch it from one another. They continued to do that and also making random shots because they accidentally pulled the trigger….at least until Rufus became a victim of his own tranquilizing dart.

Rufus swore loudly and collapsed on the floor at the foot of where Reno stood. Reno nudged him with his shoe to make sure he wasn't dead but not conscious.

"Ha! I get to shoot them now." Reno declared, but having the shotgun was now to no advantage because they wasted all the darts. "DAMNIT! Maybe Rufus has some in his pockets." Reno began to check Rufus but found nothing.

"Great, now what am I goi-" but Reno didn't finish for…

CRASH! Yuffie smashed a lamp over the Turks head and he was now out cold. Yuffie pointed and laughed a little, but she was drained of all her energy so she crawled up in one of the trees and slept there. Sandy's sugar and caffeine rush was over too so she crept towards the couch and collapsed on it sapped of all her energy. Soon she joined everyone in sleeping, yes even Eclipse and Shadow were asleep, but that was because the two of them got in a fight and knocked each other out.

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A/N: Whew, part 2 is now done! The ending of the chapter was weird but I couldn't think of how to end it. It didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it too and at some parts I accidentally focused a bit too much on Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zack. Anyways, hope you all enjoy this part and remember review please. Oh and I'm now accepting random appearances and/or people who want some characters or themselves to be in the fic like Eclipse and Shadow, just be sure to leave a description and I'll get you to appear in a random chapter.

Review Corner:

To FFlove190: So you liked the randomness, hehe, I gave Sephy a little bit more spot light in this chapter, and I have now over come my writer's block.

To Shale 101: This chapter will probably appeal to you too, thanks for reviewing.

To Sesshy is sexii: Hope you liked Cloud's reaction and Yuffie and Sandy screwing with the stuff, and YAY! You thought the flashback was one of the most random thing you've ever read, I feel proud of myself now.

To BloodyChaosDragonKnight: That's an interesting idea for Psychotic Infomercial, he could have had someone cast confuse on him. Hope this answers your question of Sandy and Yuffie's destruction.

To Eclipse and Shadow: I gathered your descriptions from a review of yours in CII, you guys are both semi-permanent characters in the fic, hope you enjoy this chapter.


	6. When Rabid Fangirls and Fanboys attack

A/N: I know in my profile it said that this chapter was suppose to be "The History Cait Sith" but since I'm sitting in the hospital and I'm so bored that I couldn't concentrate on the chapter, so this idea just popped into my head instead since I was having a conversation about obsessive fangirls/boys on gamefaqs. This chapter was inspired by my hate for obsessive scary fangirls/boys (I know, I'm a Reno fangirl, but I'm not the scary obsessive kind of fangirl) Sorry if it doesn't make any sense what so ever, but what do I care, I'm bored. Hopefully I haven't lost any reviewers since I didn't update as quickly.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Sandy Mikage and half-a-dozen donuts that are sitting in the hospital room. Everything else belongs to their rightful owners (Square, E and S, and finally BloodyChaos…to lazy to spell out full names.)

Warnings: Boredom and lazy-ness….

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Yuffie woke up in a tree and wondered how she got there. 'Where am I? Oh yeah, the mansion. Wait, what am I doing in a tree? Hold on, what's a tree doing in the mansion? Nothing makes sense anymore!' Yuffie mentally screamed.

Not long after Yuffie woke up, Sandy woke up on the couch and her eyes widened when she saw the place. 'What the hell happened!' She wondered while she looked around. 'Trees? Where did those come from and where is everyone? And why is there a group of evil chocobos here?' Apparently she remembered nothing of the destruction she and Yuffie caused.

She got up from the couch and explored the house looking for the other residents of it. Sandy found Rufus and Reno and woke the both of them up to ask them what happened.

"Okay, why is this place like the way it is, why was Rufus sleeping instead of screaming that the trees are taking over the world, why isn't Reno glomping me…. Not that I'm complaining, who are those two people over there, why is Reno's head bleeding, why is Cloud in a dress…well, actually never mind about that, something tells me he felt like cross-dressing again cause he's gender confused. Where did all these chocobos come from, where's everyone else, where are my shoes, and finally why the hell are you two shirtless! I'm so confused." Sandy blurted out all at once.

Reno and Rufus exchanged looks with a facial look that says 'She doesn't remember?'

"Well for starters, you and Yuffie got caffeine and sugar high and caused destruction and chaos like that one day in the ShinRa building. Rufus was sleeping because he shot himself with a tranquilizing dart with his own shotgun and he already did scream and have a mental breakdown about the trees he even hid behind Tifa. The two new people, I dunno who they are, you and Yuffie talked to them and befriended them, so I don't know their names or how they got here, only thing I know is that they crashed through the roof. My head is bleeding because someone hit me over the head and I fell unconscious…." Reno trailed off to let Rufus fill her in on the other half.

Rufus sighed and continued, "Cloud's in a dress because Zack stole his clothes and put him in a dress and now he thinks he's a woman so now he won't stop hitting on Zack. The chocobos, I really don't know, Yuffie just ran through the house with the squad of them.

"Where everyone else is…well lets see: You baked Scarlet into a cake somehow, I think Cid fell inside the toilet, Reeve is probably lying around here somewhere since Yuffie ran over him with her mob of chocobos, Zack is squashed under Sephiroth since we accidentally shot him with the tranquilizing darts, Rude is stuck to a tree don't ask how he got there, You somehow shoved Palmer and Heidigger into a giant rice cooker, Yuffie is sleeping in that tree over there. Tifa fell down the stairs so I imagine she's sleeping at the foot of the stairs… Aeris and Elena are most likely sleeping on top of Tseng while glomping him all the same since Reno shot the three of them in one shot somehow. Errr….Cait Sith, I've no clue as to where he went, he's probably dead because Yuffie set him on fire and, so Reeve freaked out and screamed for him to be put to be put out, Cloud being his idiot self had to jump on top of the thing. And I think that's everyone…no wait, if you see a frog around here, don't kill it, that's Vincent.

"Where are you're shoes? Hmm…I think you threw them at Cid in you're state of insanity and the fact that you love to torture him. And we're shirtless because you burned our shirts. That answer your questions?" Rufus finished.

Sandy shook her head; she still had one unanswered question. "No, you didn't…" She started, but stopped when she realized Reno was clinging to her again. "Never mind, Reno just answered it." She said as she pat the Turk on the head. Sandy then narrowed her eyes at the red head and sighed. "Are you going to let go now?"

"No."

"I never should have brought that up." Sandy mumbled to herself.

Yuffie than fell out of her tree and landed on top of Vincent….which resulted in squishing the frog.

"Oops. Heh-heh, didn't mean to squish ya Vinnie." Yuffie giggled nervously while peeling the frog off of her.

"……..will you just change me ribbit now?" The frog croaked.

Yuffie blinked confused trying to figure out what 'Ribbit' meant. She didn't get that he meant back because Vincent's frog instincts were starting to take over since his eyes were now starting to stare at a fly that was buzzing by him. "Ribbit? How can I change you into a ribbit? That's a sound frogs make, I'll have to turn you into sound waves to do that Vinnie, but they haven't invented a materia that changes matter into sound waves. Besides, if I could change you into sound waves you'd more than likely go in all directions and I have no idea how to assemble sound waves back together to make you solid once again or catch sound waves for that matter, you'd be stuck trapped in the air forever, or at least till the sound dies out." Yuffie said in a rare moment showing both sanity and brilliance.

Everyone stared at Yuffie with wide eyes not believing what they all just heard come out of the ninja's mouth. Sure it was a dumb time to show off her intelligence and sanity because it had nothing to do with what Vincent was talking about, but it was smart at the same time too.

"Ooooh! Lookie! Little people! Hello little peoples!" Yuffie squealed while waving at the 'little people' that only she could see and talk to. Vincent sweatdropped, her moment of sanity and intellect was gone.

"I meant will you change me back into a human again!" Vincent demanded rather than asked.

"Shhhhh! Me and the little people are talking about important issues Vinnie, so be quiet! It's a very delicate procedure." Yuffie snapped.

"And may I ask what issues these are?" Vincent said.

"We're trying to ambush the little people's mortal enemy, the tap-dancing pink elephants with top hats." Yuffie said pointing in some random direction where she thought the pink elephants were, truth was only she could see the little people and elephants because they were all in her insane head.

"Riiiiight. Tell you what, if you change me back into a human, I'll help the 'little people' kill the 'Tap-dancing pink elephants with top hats'. 'Kay?"

"Deal!" Yuffie said kissing Vincent because she figured that she could save a Maidens Kiss by kissing him herself.

Vincent was human again and he walked away from Yuffie before she would start saying strange things again. The ninja was about to resume her conversation with the little people but she forgot all about them when she got distracted by Eclipse and Shadow who were fighting with Cloud for no particular reason other than the fact that they felt like it because Cloud torture is healthy for them.

Sephiroth got up from under Zack and he somehow got dragged into the fight along with Zack. Sephiroth used Zack as a shield whenever someone almost hit him, Zack was disappointed, and Sephiroth was definitely losing brownie points from Zack for each hit he took. Right now it was on a negative scale as to how much affection points Sephiroth had on Zack, lower than Cloud's points as a matter of fact.

Zack sighed and considered if he should exchange Sephy for Miss Cloud, but he then reconsidered when he remembered Cloud was gender confused, cruel or not Sephy is a lot better choice than Cloud will ever be in Zack's mind.

"Vincent, why do you have people locked up in your basement?" A dazed Scarlet said as she walked out of the basement.

"Oh, them. They're a bunch of rabid fangirls and fanboys that I found when I first came here, so whatever you do, DON'T let them out or hell will break loose and the universe will probably become unbalanced with all those fangirls and fanboys stalking us." Vincent replied.

"Oh….you said let them out right?" Scarlet asked.

"I said don't let them out."

"Oh, just double checking…….oops."

"Oops what? What did you do? Tell me woman!"

"I…uhh…..AHHHH! RUN FOR YOU'RE LIVES I UNLOCKED THE GATE IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME TILL THEY FIND US!" Scarlet screamed.

Suddenly they heard a mob of fangirls squeal. "LIKE, I SO TOLD YOU I SMELT SEPHY! I KNEW HE WAS HERE!" Some random Sephy fangirl screamed.

"SEPHY WE LOVE YOU! YOU'RE THE BEST!" The group of fanboys and girls screamed in union.

"Uh-oh, this can't be good. Vincent, are they only rabid Sephiroth fans?" Tifa asked fearing for her own safety.

Vincent shrugged, "I dunno but there are defiantly some me fans in there since they squealed and kept trying to steal my clothes when I first got here." Vincent shuddered at the memory. In the background all sorts of ' insert name here WE LOVE YOU!' was heard.

"Oh, okay then. SCRAMBLE!" Tifa screamed. They did so, and so did the rabid fans; which were no foaming at the mouth; after their favorite character.

Of course Sandy, Shadow, and Eclipse didn't have to do anything since they were Original Characters and had no fans. Sandy just walked to the sidelines to watch the chaos with Eclipse and Shadow.

Yuffie had run up a wall and sat there so she could avoid the making contact with the fans; who were trying to climb the wall and grab Yuffie. She tried in her defense to throw her Conformer at them, but it didn't do anything, they were immune to any attacks.

The girls were mobbing Vincent and one of them actually leaped on Vincent's shoulders, stole an article of his clothing, and shouted, "LOOK! I GOT VINCENT'S HEADBAND! I'M GOING TO PUT THIS IN MY VINCENT SHRINE AND I'LL WORSHIP IT EVERYDAY!" Poor Vinnie tried shooting all the girls that kept getting near him but they just wouldn't stay down.

"VINCENT WE DON'T WANNA HURT YOU! WE LOVE YOU, PLEASE DON'T SHOOT US." A fangirl screamed.

"YEAH! YOU'RE COOLER THAN ALL THE OTHER CHARCTERS BECAUSE YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! WE WOULDN'T DARE HURT YOU!" A fanboy yelled.

Vincent shot said fanboy while shouting "I'm NOT a Vampire goddamnit! And get the hell AWAY FROM ME!" and thus he continued shooting at the rabid fans that kept trying to steal his stuff.

Cid had taken refuge in his toilet and stayed there praying the fans wouldn't find him since he was still a midget. Unfortunately Cid's prayers didn't keep the fans away for he heard shouts of "Cid's in here somewhere! I can almost smell him. There! The toilet!"

Cid heard lots of footsteps coming closer and finally the fans lifted the toilet lid, and sure enough Cid was now staring into the face of many fans. "AHHHH! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Cid shouted but this just increased the fans' delight much to Cid's dismay. They were saying thing like "Yay! I actually heard him curse my life is now complete."

A fanboy picked Cid out of the toilet and returned him to his normal size and Cid was then buried under a mass of fans.

Reno and Rufus were chased up a tree and clinging to it like their very life depended on it. Fans were all climbing the tree and grasping at every inch of Reno or Rufus in reach. When they managed to grab their pant-leg or something Reno and Rufus would either try to shake 'em off or kick the fan to make them let go. Poor Rufus was really having a major mental break down because he realized he was in a tree so he was between screaming "OHMYGOD! IT'S A TREE! I WANNA GO DOWN!" Then he'd look at the rabid fangirls below and say, "Never mind." Eventually the tree took too much weight and tipped over. That was when the two guys ran with the pack of fans following them.

Tifa was having a difficult time because all the fanboys kept trying to do…. unmentionables to her large bust. They also kept asking if they could go on dates with her but she would just kick them and try to keep all the other guys away.

Aeris was surrounded by the cheers and screaming of "I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE NOT DEAD ANYMORE! AERIS WILL LIVE FOREVER!" then the fans would proceed to stalk her and worship the ground she walked on. Aeris thought death was better than this.

Elena was assaulting all the Tseng fangirls while screaming "TSENG IS MINE!" not even noticing her own fans were glomping her. Tseng just stabbed any of the fans that Elena somehow missed and got within a foot radius of him.

Reeve had to hide behind a bunch of chocobos to not be noticed. Luckily for him, his fans never even noticed him, but maybe it was because they had captured Cait Sith and were tearing him apart….quite literally. A fan would steal a piece of Cait Sith and keep it. Reeve quietly sniffled behind the chocobos, Cait Sith sacrificed his life just so Reeve could be left alone, okay not really, Reeve actually just threw him to the fans but that's beside the point. Reeve was actually sniffling because he now had to waste more money and time on rebuilding the stupid cat that kept dying.

Cloud's dress was being tugged at because most of the fangirls were demanding why he was cross-dressing and not dressing like his sexy self. Other fangirls were yaoi lovers so they said things like 'you're so perfect for Sephy-kins now! You two just look so great together.'

Fanboys were all jumpy at Cloud and asking about his sword and what not while saying 'You're such a badass.' Cloud screamed and hid under the table because he couldn't take the fan anymore.

Even Scarlet, Palmer, and Heidigger had their fair share of fans even if a lot doesn't like them, but still enough to keep them busy.

Barret, well, he didn't have many fans so no one really paid attention to him. Nanaki was having a difficult time too because every one kept trying to pet him and it was bugging the shit out of him, not to mention all the girls were dressing him up by putting bows around his neck and in his mane, his tail tried setting them on fire but nothing happened.

Poor Sephiroth and Zack were probably having the toughest time of all. Sephiroth had one too many Sephy fangirls, more than anyone else in the room put together. Sephiroth had dragged Zack up a pole so he could be on higher ground to avoid the weird fangirls.

"Sephy! Come down! We won't hurt you. We LOVE you! Anyone who ever tries to hurt you must die, like Cloud! We'll kill him later if you want!" The leader of the group, who was wearing a pink shirt that said 'I 3 Sephy for life' and had curly blonde hair, called to him. The fans let out a bloodthirsty roar and began to glare at the twitching Cloud under the table.

Sephiroth thought about the suggestion and nodded. "Okay go ahead and kil-OW!" Sephiroth rubbed his shin, Zack just kicked him. Sephiroth glared at Zack. Zack crossed his arm over his chest and raised an eyebrow giving Sephiroth a 'Leave Cloud out of this' look. Of course Sephiroth didn't get the hint and yelled "What!"

"Hey, I might not like Cloud and neither do you, but leave him out of this. After all he still is our friend. A gender-confused, cross-dressing, annoying idiot one, but nonetheless a friend. 'Sides I think he has enough mental problems as it is and I think he's being traumatized by his fangirls as we speak giving him more mental issues than he needs." Zack pointed out.

Sephiroth nodded. "Good point," he turned back to his fans that were staring at Cloud with a killer glint in their eyes. "Never mind. Leave the bumbling blonde idiot alone."

"Well, can we kill Zack?" The blonde asked with the fans glancing at Zack with a murderous glint in their eyes.

"WHAT! WHY!" Zack and Sephiroth yelled simultaneously shocked at the fans' sudden decision to kill Zack.

"He kicked you! Anyone who hurts or touches the almighty great Godliness that is Sephiroth; other than us fans who legally gave ourselves permission to touch you, should die." She answered.

Sephiroth gave them a blank look. "NO! You can't kill Zack! He's mine! Anyone who wants to kill him has to get through me first!" Zack sweatdropped. 'Guess that means I'm the girl in this relationship since Seph keeps treating me like some damsel in distress.' Zack thought woefully.

The fangirls quickly apologized for what they said thinking their oh so precious Sephiroth would forgive them, while they were mentally formulating a plan to murder Zack while Sephiroth wasn't around because he took Sephiroth away from them, of course that would never work since the two of them were handcuffed together so Sephy would always be by Zack.

"Okay, so we won't kill Zack. But please come down Sephy! We won't bite….unless you want us to that is." The leader said while giggling mischievously.

"NEVER!" Then the weirdest things were being said to poor Sephiroth.

"I'LL HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!" A random fangirl screamed.

"You won't," Sephiroth cried. "Trust me you really won't ever. AND NO!"

"SEPHY! I'M THE PERFECT GIRL FOR YOU! COME DOWN HERE AND I'LL PROVE IT!"

"MY HEART BELONGS TO ZACK!"

"MARRY ME!" A fanboy shouted.

"Okay, that is so wrong I don't even have to comment on it."

A big car suddenly crashed through the wall near where Sandy, Eclipse, and Shadow were sitting while eating popcorn as they watched the fangirls and fanboys fight.

Five people climbed out of said car. One of them was a red-eyed, silver haired woman with red tips at the end of her silver hair. Another was a guy almost identical to the silver haired woman just slightly taller and appeared to be wearing a collar of some sort. The third was a purple haired woman holding a cactus, that had a party hat on the it's head, in one hand and in the other what appeared to be a leash that if she tugged on the silver haired man would gag. The fourth was a dark haired man who was for some strange reason having an argument with himself and had a purple, fuzzy, sparkly snake resting on his shoulders. The fifth was a man with deep blue hair and icy blue eyes and he was talking funny and staring at the silver-haired lady with a longing expression.

"Oops. Sorry, I forgot I cut the breaks." The silver haired woman giggled like a maniac. The guy wearing the collar sighed and shook his head but then gagged when the purple haired woman pulled on the leash.

Eclipse, Shadow, and Sandy recognized these people immediately.

"HI RHIANA!" Eclipse and Shadow shouted.

"Hi Rhiana, hi Juno, hi Vaukashi, hi Drayian," Sandy started pointing at the silver haired lady first; Rhiana, then Juno; lady with cactus, Vaukashi; guy almost identical to Rhiana, then Drayian; guy who was arguing with his split personalities. She then paused at the blue haired man and had a quizzical look on her face like she was trying to remember who she was. "Err….I don't remember your name-"

"Daneal!" The blue haired man interrupted.

"-but I know you're obsessed with stalking Rhiana, she hates you, and for some weird reason you're impervious to being set aflame." Sandy continued like she hadn't heard him.

"So, what'd we miss?" Rhiana asked while looking around the place seeing if there was any thing she could do to help with the insanity.

"Well….not much really other than the fact that fangirls and fanboys are now overrunning the place. They get pretty boring after a while and I think they've already mentally scarred everyone in here 'cept us." Sandy explained not really caring and more interested in the lighter she's holding.

"Oh. Well, lets get rid of them PERMANENTLY!" Rhiana declared. Everyone but Daneal and Vaukashi nod, instead Daneal is trying to sneak up on Rhiana for no apparent reason other than the fact that he's almost as much as an obsessive stalker as Reeve, and the latter is just sighing and shaking his head while mumbling "I can't believe I'm related to her…" which causes Juno to tug roughly on the leash making Vaukashi fall.

"FLAME WHIP!" Rhiana shouts and a flaming cat-o-nine-tails whip suddenly appears in her hands while smacking Daneal with it at the same time making him retreat to a corner. She crackles manically and runs into the fray of all the fanboys and fangirls screaming random death threats to them.

"TIME FOR DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS! MUWAHAHAHA! NIGHT SWORD!" Juno shrieks pulling out a sword bigger than she is out of thin air and follows Rhiana while dragging Vaukashi with her.

Sandy stares at Drayian waiting to see what kind of weapon he has. Drayian shifts to his warrior psychopathic personality and summons a glaive made completely out of ice. "WELL WHAT ARE YOU FOR? GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND FIGHT!" He yells at Sandy before following the two other psychotic girls.

The purple, fuzzy, sparkly snake; whose name is Det, turned into a giant purple, fuzzy, sparkly, fire breathing dragon, roared and joined the battle.

Sandy blinks and then takes out her Demon Edge Sword, (A/N: Which is actually Yojimbo's Zanmato attack in FFX and Sandy's sword shall now be referred to as Zanmato because that's what her Demon Edge Sword is. Just thought I'd give everyone a quick translation lesson on what the word Zanmato meant in English and to avoid confusion ;) and chased after the three maniacs and dragon that ran into the fans paths to cause a fight while giggling like the maniac she is.

Eclipse and Shadow look at each other then shrug and summoned their weapons too. The Dark Archangel, a sword very similar to the Masamune just about four inches shorter, appeared in Eclipse's grasp, and the Dark Death, a sword similar to the Dark Archangel just an inch shorter, appeared in Shadow's hands. They both cracked grins on their face making them look more insane then they are and joined the other psychopaths in the destruction.

/Five minutes later../

The fans should have died from all the fighting but they just wouldn't stay dead.

"Why…won't…you….DIE!" Sandy yelled between each slash she made with her Zanmato at a rabid Rufus fangirl.

"Oooh! I have an idea!" Rhiana exclaimed. She set all of the fans on fire and they died…just kidding, the fans were burnt to a crisp and had somehow randomly teleported some where else, apparently they weren't immune to the High Warrior Priestess of the Bloody Serpents Cult; Rhiana, and her pyro-kinetic mind. "Okay, it's safe to come out now." Rhiana confirmed although she continued her reign of mayhem by setting random things on fire, like the tree Rufus was cowering on.

Rufus screamed and jumped out of the blazing tree and he landed in Sandy's waiting outstretched arms. Sandy dropped Rufus and walked over to the unconscious twitching form on the floor that was Vincent; who was suffering from all the glomping, screaming and being stripped half naked of the fangirls, and began to poke him with her Zanmato; which was sheathed of course or Vincent would've been stabbed to death.

Scarlet laughed her famous laugh of 'Kya ha ha ha ha ha ha!' with Heidigger laughing 'Gya ha ha ha ha ha!' along with her. Juno and Rhiana glared at them and proceeded to beat the shit out of the two of them.

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A/N: Okay, I told you that chapter was sorta strange. Rhiana, Juno, Vaukashi, Det, Drayian, Daneal, and the cult of the Bloody Serpents belong to BloodyChaosDragonKnight. The next chapter might be the History of Cait Sith or it might not, depends on what mood I'm in, remember special guest appearances are accepted. As you guys have probably noticed I'm not updating as often as I used too, well, that's because I'm now working on another story and it's going to be posted on here soon since I'm almost done with chapter one and I'll have to juggle between that fic and this one.

Review Corner:

To FFlove190: Lol, trees are nice. Somehow you're always my first reviewer for each new chapter, wonder how, but whatever. And here's more Sephy spotlight in this chapter, whenever you want to appear in the fic just give your description since you were apparently too lazy to give it in the review.

To Sesshy is sexii: Glad you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for the compliment on originality. There're no restrictions of the request as long as you give a description. Chances are if you were to request a character from a different game I'm not familiar with I'll have a few problems but I'll get by somehow.

To BloodyChaos: Thank you for letting me use you're characters from CII, they should certainly make this fic more insane, entertaining and interesting and they give me more ideas in what to do in future chapters.

To Eclipse and Shadow: That's a great idea to do with Cloud! I'll probably do that in the next chapter since I wanted to focus on the fangirls and introducing the other characters, when Cloud wakes up in the next chapter I'll make him do that because of him being knocked out one too many times. Yes Shadow I understood what Eclipse said so ready the duct tape and can I have the cookie?

A/N: I'll be back with the next chapter next week or so, so don't leave since I don't update as often.


	7. Strange incidents involving ShinRa emplo

A/N: I'm mad at my computer because it deleted the fic I was ready to post here. Stupid retarded computer, and I really liked the first chapter, it took me FOREVER to write! ;; Anyways, enough of my rant and lets get on with the fic. I dunno what the hell I was on when I wrote this chapter, but it somehow inspired me to write this even though it's weird and full of plot holes.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following: Eclipse and Shadow belong to Eclipse and Shadow, Rhiana, Juno, Vaukashi, Drayian, Det, and Daneal belong to BloodyChaos, Maya, Len, and Toi belong to Sesshi is sexii, Shelby belongs to FFlove190, and the FFVII cast belong to Square-Enix…only thing I own is Sandy Mikage, Yoko (You'll see) and this piece of cake I'm eating as I type this.

Warnings: More insanity than ever, strange videos, dollars, Reno/Sandy hints but only if you look hard…

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"This day keeps getting weirder and weirder." Reno said as he looked at the four new people who had somehow come in the house through some sort of portal….well three of them did, the fourth somehow just walked down the stairs and she claimed that she'd been looking at stuff in the attic. The four new people were all what appeared to be teenage girls.

One of the girls that came through the portal had blood red eyes, long spiky brown hair, appeared to be around eighteen and was wearing black pants, white belt, black vest, and a dark blue coat, she was currently conversing with the most insane people in the house; Rhiana, Juno, and Sandy. She called herself Maya.

Another one of the girls, who introduced herself as Len, that came out of the portal had faded red hair down to her shoulders, aqua colored eyes and wearing glasses, wearing a white kimono with fuchsia petals designed on it, and wooden sandals and looked about fifteen. She was currently correcting every little problem she saw while acting like a know-it-all all the same, the group noticed if she stared at Marlene long enough the little girl would start to cry.

The last girl, whose name is Toi, that came out of the portal, her hair was blue and went down to the center of her back and being tied back with a pink bow, she had turquoise colored eyes, and was wearing tan cargo pants, a white button-up with a black dragon on it, and for some strange reason she walks around bare-foot. She was caring for a plant since she was a nature lover.

The girl who came down from the attic, looked about fourteen or so, had brown hair that's tied up in a pony and red glasses, she wore a black hoodie and blue jeans with a little key-chain hanging off of the belt loop saying 'Sorry I stopped listening days ago.' She introduced herself as Shelby and she was talking with Zack and Sephiroth because she was a major fan. The group got suspicious of her but she proved that she wasn't one of those rabid fangirls since she didn't immediately start asking those strange questions or scare Sephy and Zack up a pole.

"You're telling me. First we all need a home because of some strange incident, then we all end up living in the same home, next Yuffie and Sandy cause the most random and chaotic destruction, a few minutes later Eclipse and Shadow crash through our roof because they went skydiving without parachutes, then rabid fans attack us, shortly after Rhiana, Juno, Drayian, Vaukashi, Daneal, and Det crash through the place, then four of the said psychopaths plus Sandy, Eclipse, and Shadow, cause more random insanity, now four new girls appear here. Did I miss anything?" Rufus asked as he ticked each event off his fingers.

Reno thought for a second. "Yup," He started. "You forgot that they had chained us by the feet and are hanging all of us; except Zack and Sephiroth, upside down over a pot of magma and lowering us every once in a while because they think this is fun to burn us to a crisp. Which reminds me, Cloud, you're hair is on fire." And indeed it was, since Cloud's hair was an extra seven inches long it was by now touching the lava and on fire.

"AAAAAHHHHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" Cloud screamed while desperately truing to pat the fire down. Cid whacked Cloud with his mop.

"Shut yer' fucking mouth goddamn it! My Mop and me are saying goodbye since I'll be departing to the other world since those psycho bitches up there are going to kill us. GOOD BYE MOLLY! I'LL NEVER FORGET THY! PLEASE ALWAYS THINK OF ME WHENEVR YOU'RE IN ANOTHER GUYS ARMS, AND FIND HAPPINESS!….Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, Molly, when I die, tell Shera that I'm dead, and when she's crying tell her, she's…." Cid paused thinking of what should be said to Shera. Cid found the right words and continued, "……..A NO GOOD FUCKING WHORE! THIS IS ALL HER FAULT! IF SHE NEVER KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE I WOULDN'T BE FUCKING DEAD, PUSHING UP DAISIES, KICKED THE BUCK- OWW!" Nanaki bit the crazy pilot. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING-"

"Shut. The. FUCK UP ALREADY!" Rufus roared while twitching like a maniac. He couldn't believe it. His bodyguard…no, his childhood friend, and a bunch of other maniacs, were ready to drop him and a bunch of other people into a pit of lava that they somehow discovered in the house. The chains lowered a few inches closer to the molten rock and the maniacs crackled.

"Sandy, please tell me this is another one of your insane games that you like to play." Reeve asked with hope in his voice.

Sandy smiled at him. "Okay, it is." She responded.

"REALLY?" Every person hanging over the lava; which was all the FFVII cast minus Sephy and Zack, plus Daneal and Vaukashi, asked.

"No." Sandy answered flatly. "I just said that because you told me too."

Reno was starting to get nervous, he was praying that this really was one of Sandy's twisted insane little jokes that Rhiana was helping her with but he was beginning to doubt it. "Rhiana….you're not really going to drop me are you? C'mon, it's me, Reno, your cousin…eh-heh-heh." Reno laughed nervously.

"I say we drop them now!" Juno yelled. She pressed a button and they all fell to their doom……not! The lava pit closed up so they all collided with the floor.

Rufus twitched. "SANDY! THIS WAS ONE OF YOU'RE INSANE JOKES WASN'T IT!" He shouted while getting up. Cid was hugging his mop and kissing it while chanting 'We aren't going to die'. Cloud was starting to see things and started saying the strangest things such as 'The grapefruit monkeys stole my pants again.'

Sandy giggled and responded "Of course not! You don't really think we were going to kill you guys did you?"

Vincent looked at Rhiana and Juno and nodded. "Yes, with those two god knows what could happen." Juno glared at Vincent so her Party Cactus went up to him and stabbed the wannabe vampire.

"Okay, fine, so maybe we wanted to kill a few of you guys, but not all of you. For example, I wouldn't kill Mr. Mop lover here," Sandy said pointing at Cid, "Or Ruffie, or even Pokey over there." Sandy said pointing at Rufus, then Reno, or as Sandy had just called him Pokey.

Everyone but the ex-ShinRa employees ('cept Palmer and Heidigger because they had been locked away in the basement) and the occupied psychopaths stared at Sandy like she was a sane person. "What'd I say?" She asked.

"Why did you call Reno Pokey?" Aeris asked.

The ex-ShinRa workers in the room; besides Reno he groaned, snickered. "The pokey sock incident." They chuckled while Reno groaned 'Not the pokey sock incident.'

"The whose it whatsit incident?" Tifa repeated confused.

"The pokey sock incident! Hahahahaha! It brings back so many memories." Elena said.

"I'm still confused. What's the pokey sock incident?" Aeris piped up.

Rufus cracked a smile. "Maybe we should just show you. After all we just happened to catch it on video tape."

"Rufus no! That's too embarrassing, plus I'll be mentally scarred for life all over again." Reno pleaded.

"Too bad. Reeve, find the video tape!" Rufus commanded.

"Yes sir, Mr. President sir!" Reeve said and began to search the ShinRa files that he kept in his newly rebuilt Cait Sith number 533. "Found it sir!" Reeve said waving the videotape in his hand.

"Hey Vince, you got a T.V any where in here?" Sandy asked.

"Follow me." And thus they all followed Vincent, or got dragged in Vaukashi's and Reno's case by Sandy and Juno, to a dusty room with a big T.V.

"Wow…nice room Vincent." Shelby said with awe.

"Will you just show us whatever this 'Pokey sock incident' is so I can resume my plotting in blowing up the moon." Maya snapped.

"Alright, alright, already. No need to snap. Reeve hand me the tape." Rufus pushed the play button and everyone sat down to watch the video tape, well Rhiana set the couch on fire and Juno pulled a bag of popcorn and a soda out of thin air, then those two proceeded to watch the video tape.

(Start of the Videotape)

Most of the ShinRa employees were standing near the Gold Saucer Desert area where the red sock (Ruby WEAPON's tentacle) is still poking out of the sands. Reno was standing at the edge of the desert just staring out into space thinking about what he should set on fire next at the ShinRa building. Rude was screaming and running around because he saw a snake and freaked out because he's afraid of snakes.

Unfortunately, Rude ran into Reno's back and that resulted in pushing Reno towards the Pokey-Sock (Ruby WEAPON).

"AHHHHH! I CAN FEEL IT EATING AWAY AT MY FLESH! HELP ME! SAVE ME!" Reno screamed.

Everyone watched with awe as they watch the Pokey-Sock (Still Ruby WEAPON people and it always will be.) as it drags Reno under the sand.

"Oh great, what a loss." Tseng said in monotone.

Sandy, who was in the act of lighting her cigarette which fell out of her mouth, had a shocked expression written all over her face. "The Pokey Sock killed Reno. BASTARD!" She hollered. "Wait a minute…" Sandy thought for a moment then realized something, "That bastard owes me money. YOU POKEY SOCK BASTARD! COUGH RENO UP RIGHT NOW! I WANT MY MONEY, THEN YOU CAN HAVE RENO BACK!" She cried.

"Why is Sandy crying?" Reeve asked as he walked up to Rufus, Scarlet, Sandy, and the Turks.

"The Pokey Sock sucked in Reno." Sandy cried.

"So? Shouldn't we be laughing our asses off instead?" Reeve asked in a flat tone.

"No, he owes me mone-Ooooh! Reno's wallet!" Sandy picked up the wallet, stole a hundred gil and placed in the wallet a hundred dollars. "Okay, I'm happy now. Now we can laugh our asses off at the fact Reno got killed by Mr. Pokey Sock." And they proceeded to do so while pointing at the desert and rolling on the laughing for five hours straight.

They soon got bored of laughing and Sandy picked up a stick and began to poke the sand with it. "Reno? You still alive down there?" She asked prodding the sand. Everyone else sweatdropped, obviously their red haired companion was dead…or so they thought.

Suddenly Reno, who was half naked, came running out of the sand. He was missing his shirt and scratched up pretty badly.

"HOLYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!" He screamed and sprinted towards Sandy and hid behind her. "Evil Pokey Sock." Reno muttered. Then the poor red head sniffled, "It tried to anal rape me."

Everyone stared at the traumatized red head. "Umm…err…yes." Sandy said absentmindedly while patting Reno on the head while trying to put together his ripped clothing. "Maybe you should go home and get cleaned off." Sandy suggested.

"Yes clean is good. Reno wants to be clean. Reno will be a good boy and get cleaned up. Reno will be good for the rest of Reno's life as long as Reno never has to get near the Pokey Sock again." Reno said as if some sort of trance while nuzzling his face against Sandy's back. Apparently he lost his mind.

Sandy stared at him confused. "Uh…err…right. You're really starting to scare me now." She said as she dragged him aboard the helicopter with the other ShinRa workers who were all laughing at the confused bodyguard and the traumatized Turk. Well, all except Rufus who was seething with jealousy that Reno was afraid to let go of Sandy.

(End of Pokey Sock incident)

Everyone other than the people who already witnessed the incident stared blankly at the T.V.

"That's the Pokey Sock incident?" Shelby asked.

"Yes."

Silence.

Every one but Len burst out laughing. Len instead decided to ruin the fun,

"For starters, that was no sock, it was Ruby WEAPON you dumb asses. Second, you're grammar sucks. Finally, how the hell did Reno escape the clutches of Ruby WEAPON?" Len said.

Rhiana glared at Len and snapped, "Be quiet you wet blanket. Who cares? That's like asking how can I pull an apple out of thin air, then bite into it and then Cid's mop will suddenly burst into flames. Like so:" And Rhiana demonstrated her example, she randomly pulled an apple out of thin air, took a bite out of it, and Cid's mop burst into flames the minute she bit it. "It's also like asking why is Daneal impervious to being burst into flames and dying or why he's so obsessed with stalking me." Rhiana offered.

"MOLLY! NOOO! Another good mop cremated." Cid cried.

Reno was suffering from sheer embarrassment so he sulked in the corner of the room.

"Hey, look there's still more on the tape." Sephiroth said while pulling Zack closer then he already is to him.

Reno perked up. "Really eh? This should be good." He said as he crawled back over to the T.V.

"Oh no. Not this one! Anything but this one!" Rufus exclaimed as he recognized the scenery.

"Oh yes Rufus…The Loco Moron incident." Reno replied sniggering at the president's flustered face.

(On Video)

The Turks, Scarlet, Rufus, Sandy, and Reeve were sitting at the bar in Junon just lounging around for no apparent reason.

Sandy prepared to light up one of her cigarettes until Rufus interrupted. "Can I have one?" He asked.

Sandy shrugged, after all Rufus did look a little stressed. "Sure why not, here ya go." She passed him the cigarette she was going to light and use later to make it look like an accident when she would extinguish it on something and the something would usually ninety percent of the time would burst into flames. That was basically the only reason she smoked, it gave her an excuse to set things on fire and make it look accidental. Anyways, back to the story.

Sandy grabbed one of her 'special' cigarettes and lit it; she then realized that it wasn't one of her 'special' cigs when she took a drag. "Hmm… where'd my cig go?" She asked out loud to no one in particular.

"That doesn't look like a normal cigarette Rufus." Elena said while squinting her eyes at Rufus and the cigarette in his mouth.

"RUFUS STOP! THAT'S LOCO WEED!" Sandy yelled realizing she gave the special cig to Rufus on accident. Too late, Rufus puffed it and he began to laugh like a moron.

"Heh…heh heh…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed between puffs. They all stared at Rufus with that OO; expression on their faces, well except Rude, he did nothing.

"Sandy, why did you give him loco weed? Why do you even HAVE loco weed?" Reeve asked.

"I didn't mean to give it to him! It was meant for me!" Sandy said as she looked at Rufus who was now running around the bar and swinging a broom he found wildly while laughing like a complete imbecile.

"You think we should leave him like this?" Tseng asked.

"Sure, what's the worst that can happen? It'll be worth a good laugh anyways." Scarlet said.

"What if he escapes? He might hurt himself out there in his state of stupidity." Reeve theorized

"Pfft! Rufus is such an idiot right now he probably wouldn't be able to figure out how to open even an automatic door, it's actually even a surprise he knows how to breath." Reno replied as he watched the stupid blonde repeatedly run face first into a wall.

"Guess your right."

Rufus didn't stay cooped up in the tiny bar for long because somebody opened the door and Rufus happened to be running in that direction.

"…" The employees said. They then exchanged looks.

"Did he….?"

"I think he just did…"

"HE'S ESCAPED!" They all, with the exception of Rude, screamed, and they ran and left the bar to search for their lost idiot…I mean president.

/A few minutes later…/

"Here Mr. President! Here boy! Come back boy!" Reno called like Rufus was a dog when they ran down to the streets of Junon.

"Oh, come on! Where the hell is he?" Elena yelled while she leaned on Tseng. "Rufus, give us some stupid sign as to where you might be!" Elena screamed at the sky.

A few seconds later they heard the cries of an idiot screaming "BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT!" over and over again. They turned around and they saw Rufus was standing on top of one of the buildings, running in circles and screaming.

"How the fuck did he get up there?" Sandy asked.

"Who cares? WE'RE COMING MR. PRESIDENT!" Reeve yelled as they ran up the very many staircases in the building.

/A few flights of stairs later…/

The group was exhausted and they finally reached the roof of the building Rufus was screaming and running around on. Upon closer inspection of the idiot blonde, Scarlet noticed he was looking directly up at the sun, hence why he's screaming "BRIGHT LIGHT." like a moron.

"Rufus get back here right now before you hurt your self!" Sandy demanded.

Rufus stopped looking at the sun and walked to the ledge of the building while flapping his arms wildly up and down.

"What are you doing sir?" Tseng asked getting nervous to how dangerously close he was on the ledge and falling.

"Woohoo!" Rufus shouted. "I'm a bird!"

Reno being the quickest of the group darted towards Rufus and half-diving off the ledge as he grasped for Rufus's leg, barley catching it as the blonde fell off the ledge face first.

/Inside the building/

Apparently the building was a collage. Anyways, so the Principal of the school was in his office having a meeting with the new Vice Principal.

The Principal had his back to the window and he was staring at the nervous student. They were discussing the fact that student aren't getting punished enough for all their bad deeds and it was all being recorded for some reason. The V.P. was very nervous because he was actually letting the students get away with this stuff.

"It appears we've been having more and more rules broken every day by students yet they aren't getting punished for some reason, do you have any ideas why this is happening?" The Principal asked while stroking his chin.

The V.P. began to stammer and he pulled at his collar out of nervousness. "I can assure you Sir, that I know nothing about this or why it's happening. I know that I've been doing all in my power to control these kids. All those rumors you heard about me were false and completely wrong." He said.

Rufus swung upside down past the window.

"It's that you seem to care more about the students and you suggested in one of our previous meetings that we get rid of a few rules. Convince me if you're not letting the students break all these rules because they got an okay from you." The Principal said. He wasn't sure that the new V.P was doing this, but the teachers have been saying stuff similar to it and this guy seemed to think they had one too many rules thus making the Principal rather suspicious.

Rufus swung past in the other direction, waving this time and it looked like he mouthed the words 'HI!'.

The V.P. gulped. "Well, I've always been loyal to the teachers and people in higher stats then me ever since I started working here. And now that I'm V.P. of the school, I wouldn't dream of handing the school over to a bunch of teenagers…." His voice trailed off as he watched Rufus swing by the window again; the V.P. figured that Rufus was a teacher at the school; and he watched Rufus claw at the window glass while shouting something so unintelligible chances are nobody (not even the crazy people holding him up) could understand him. The Principal followed the V.P.'s gaze and gaped at Rufus, mouth wide open.

The V.P. threw himself to his knees and began to grovel at the Principal's feet. "PLEASE SIR! I DIDN'T MEAN TO REWRITE A BUNCH OF NEW RULES ALLOWING THE STUDENT'S TO HAVE MORE FREEDOM OR HAND THE ENTIRE SCHOOL OVER TO THE KIDS OR RAISE THE TEACHERS SALERY SO THEY COULD IGNORE IT AND NOT TELL YOU OR ANYTHING! JUST PLEEEEEASE SIR! I BEG OF YOU! DON'T HANG ME OUTSIDE LIKE HIM BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF HIGHTS AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" He groveled, lucky for the V.P. the Principal never heard him for he had passed out in his office.

/Back on the roof…/

Reno was still holding on to Rufus's foot but it was getting difficult to hold on to him since Rufus started swaying back and forth.

"Goddamn it Rufus! You're trying to make a record in stupid things done for ShinRa aren't you? If you fall I can just see it now. 'President Shinra does a nose-dive off a collage in Junon because he thought he was a bird and could fly. The reason he thought he was a bird? Because he smoked a fucking loco weed!'" Reno yelled as he pulled Rufus back on the roof.

Rufus just crackled like an idiot making everyone sweatdrop.

Sandy sighed relieved that Rufus wasn't hurt…..well, at least physically. Mentally, he's temporarily messed up. "C'mon Rufus, we'll take you back to a room where you won't escape and, or, hurt yourself." She said as she started down the stairs.

Rufus grinned making him look really goofy and stupid. He ran down the stairs before any one could reach it and… well, he tripped and fell down the stairs out of an act of stupidity.

"AHHHHH! MR. PRESIDENT!" Scarlet screamed as she and everyone else rushed to the side of where their President lay on the ground.

Reeve poked him. "Do you think he's dead?" He asked.

"No, he just fell down about fifteen flights of stairs, stopped breathing, and bleeding in the head cause he felt like it. OF COURSE HE'S DEAD YOU IDIOT!" Reno yelled infuriated that he had just saved the blonde's ass and Rufus goes off and kills himself. 'I should have let him fall.' Reno thought.

"Well, what are we going to do now that he's dead?" Elena asked while looking at the bleeding Rufus on the floor.

"I dunno, I guess we should think about it." Tseng suggested.

And so, the Turks, Reeve, Scarlet, and Sandy stood there staring at Rufus, who continued to bleed, scratching their chins trying to figure out what to do with the corpse.

/Two hours later…/

"I've got nothing. How bout you guys?" Sandy finally said.

"…Nope." Rude said speaking for the first time in this fic. And everyone agreed with him.

"So we all agree to leave him here dead?" Scarlet said.

"Hey guys, use this!" Some random passerby that looked strangely like Rhiana shouted while throwing a green 'Life' materia at them.

Sandy caught the materia and nodded her head. "Okay. We can cast Life 2 on Rufus!" She exclaimed happily. Sandy cast Life 2, but she missed and a streetlight came to life instead.

"WOO-HOO! YIPEE! I'M ALIVE! AND FREE AT LAST! FREE I TELL YOU, FREE! NOW I CAN FINALLY LIVE OUT MY LIFE LONG DREAM AND CAUSE DESTRUCTION WHERE EVER I GO, RULE THE WORLD THEN BLOW IT UP!" The streetlight screamed and ran off in some random direction. As soon as it left a bunch of cars started to crash into each other.

"Ooookaaay…weird. I'm gonna try one more time." Sandy said casting Life 2 again. Rufus started to regain consciousness and his he looked around. Everyone looked at him hoping the loco weed effects had worn off.

"That was actually kind of fun. I'm going to do that again." Everyone face fault. And before they could stop Rufus from going back up the stairs and falling again, he did. This time Elena broke his fall so he wasn't hurt, but Elena sure was.

"Thanks 'Lena. Someone could've gotten hurt." Rufus said while patting the more than likely dead blonde on the head. Elena…just continued to bleed from her head injury.

"Greeeaaat. Now I have to cast Life 2 on her." Sandy sighed.

"NO DON'T!" Tseng shouted in protest. Then he cleared his throat nervously when every one looked at him funny. "I…uh…mean…I mean, she's alive. She's just taking a nap…yeah a nap see look." Tseng kicked Elena's arm making it move. "See? She moved she's just sleeping."

Sandy shrugged, "Whatever. Now…as for Rufus…." She started but trailed off when she saw Rufus had somehow got on the Junon canon. How he got there, who knows?

"Damnit, that's the second time we lost him. How the hell does a guy high on loco weed sneak away with out us noticing?" Reno asked furiously.

"…" Rude said as he slung the mostly dead Elena over his shoulder and began to walk towards the Junon canon.

"I say we follow him!" Scarlet yelled following Rufus or Rude, I'll let you decide whom she meant, with the rest of the group in tow.

/On the canon/

Rufus was standing dangerously close to the edge again and running around like he was sugar high.

"Okay Rufus, come to us so you don't risk slipping and falling into a horrible, gruesome, painful death." Sandy said while making hand jesters for him to come to the safe end of the canon that they were standing on.

Rufus stopped running and stared at Sandy like she was sane. "NO!" he yelled like a stubborn child, and then continued to run around again, only this time as he ran he slipped on an ice cube and fell off the canon.

Sandy turned a sick pale color and fainted on top of Tseng as she watched Rufus fall. Everyone else besides Elena, Tseng, and Sandy, watched in anticipation to see what would happen when Rufus hit the water.

"Hey what's that rising out of the water?" Scarlet asked pointing in the ocean.

Rude glanced as to where she was pointing and he squinted his eyes from behind his shades. "…Sapphire WEAPON." He finally answered in monotone.

"Oh. Sapphire WEAPON. Heh-heh, now he stands a chance at living…" Reeve said laughing nervously, then the information sunk in his head "…SAPPHIRE WEAPON! T-this is just perfect. Maybe the president could've lived if he hit the water, but Sapphire WEAPON is going to tear him apart…wait a second, how the hell is that thing still alive? We decapitated its head for god's sake. How is it alive?" Reeve yelled to the skies.

"How's Tseng alive?" Reno questioned.

"Good point." Reeve said and they resumed to watching Rufus's plummet to death. Surprisingly, once Rufus was ready to land on Sapphire WEAPON, WEAPON just flung him away with his tail, sending Rufus flying halfway across Junon.

Reno grabbed Sandy and dragged her off in the direction Rufus more than likely landed with the group behind him.

/Halfway across Junon…/

They found Rufus knocked out in an alley lying on top of a bunch of boxes.

"Think he's semi-sane now?" Scarlet asked.

"…" Rude said as he dropped Elena on the floor and slung the out cold president over his shoulder.

"Right, Rude! To The bar, and this time we tie Rufus to a chair so he doesn't escape!" Reno stated while dragging the unconscious blonde to the bar, with Rude in tow with the other unconscious blonde slung over his shoulder.

The only conscious blonde (A/N: Wow, I just realized there's a lot of blondes in this fic) laughed her annoying laugh and followed the two Turks.

Reeve glanced at Elena, then at Tseng, then Elena again, Reeve smiled sheepishly and ran off to follow the other people so he wouldn't have to have the burden of carrying Elena.

Tseng's eyes widen as he realizes why Reeve took off so quickly. He looked at Elena and sighed. Tseng being the gentleman he was; unlike Reno who dragged Sandy across the floor by her foot; scooped Elena up in his arms and joined up with the rest of the chaotic group in the bar where Rufus was tied to a chair, Sandy lying on the table asleep mumbling random and insane things, and everyone else was enjoying their drinks, besides Elena of course.

/End of Loco Moron incident…/

"You got any other embarrassing moments on this video?" Sephiroth asked after laughing his ass off.

"Course we do! We have one of every Shin-Ra employee in this house, 'cept Palmer and Heidigger because they basically embarrass themselves every few minutes. Besides, I don't think you want to see the embarrassing moment, it might mentally scar you, paralyze you, make you gorge your own eyes out, give you mental problems, and/or give you a bunch of health problems." Reeve said.

"Why? What'd they do? It can't be that bad." Zack said.

"Trust me. You DON'T want to see Heidigger and Palmer strip tease, it's a very disturbing sight." Scarlet said. The ex-Shin-Ra executives gagged at the memory while the naïve ones' shuddered at the thought.

"Sowhat'snextonthevideo?" Toi asked too quickly for anyone but Sandy, Juno, and Rhiana; who was currently beating the crap out of Daneal for no apparent reason other then the fact he tried to snuggle her during the video; to understand.

"Riiiight. Moving on to…" Rufus squinted his eyes in thought trying to remember the scenery or the event that happened. "…Ah, yes, The Sugar-High Maniac." Rufus said while glancing at Sandy, who grins in response.

/On video…/

The group was standing in the middle of a big open space near Nibelheim watching the hyper, sugar-high, Sandy run around so she could waste her energy.

Sandy was skipping around singing the Rufus welcoming ceremony song…

"_Rufus, President Shinra  
We can't think of a rhyme for Shinra  
But we pray that you let this small hitch pass  
Because you know we only live to kiss your ass_

In fighting for you, President Rufus  
A Seven Nation Army could not move us  
Your ego towers miles above the city-  
something, something, something really pretty"

Sandy sang the song, well, sort of, it was her insane version.

Rufus promptly sputtered the booze he was drinking everywhere upon hearing the insane, messed up version of his song.

Reno stared at Rufus in thought. "You know, half the stuff she sang in there was true." she said. Rufus glared at the redhead, then called Dark Nation to attack Reno. Tseng and Reeve sighed; leave it to the Reno to say that to the President's face.

Sandy continued to sing while prancing around until she came across Ultima WEAPON (A/N: I know it's supposed to be Ultimate, but I refuse to call him that since Ultimate was a mistranslation of Ultima. Besides Ultima sounds cooler.) who was peacefully hovering in midair waiting for something to come by so he could snatch it, and take it home to eat.

Sandy stared at the WEAPON and yelled. "WOW! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! WHO CARES, I WANT TO TOUCH IT!" Sandy screamed. Sandy poked Ultima while saying "Poke." In her annoying way.

Ultima roared and snatched Sandy in his claws and began to fly up and away. Sandy just giggled and clapped happily thinking this was some kind of free ride.

Rufus was the first to notice Sandy disappeared since she yelled "BYE RUFFIE-CHAN!"

"OH MY GOD! Sandy's going to be killed, all because of a sugar-high! What do we do?" Rufus asked pacing frantically.

"Nothing." Reno says after he recovered from his little fight with Dark Nation.

"Nothing?" Scarlet says confused.

"Yup. What goes up must come down." Reno said matter-of-factly.

"How's she going to come down?" Elena asked as she watched Ultima fly around.

"Knowing her, she'll find away…"

Sandy had got bored of sitting in Ultima's claws, so she snaked her way out of his claws and began to climb up the WEAPON. She then perched herself on his head and thought for a sec on what she could do. She snapped her fingers and yelled, "I've got it!"

Sandy took out her Zanmato and stabbed Ultima's eyes, thus blinding him and making the WEAPON fly around aimlessly, which angered it and made him blow up random places. Ultima flew over Nibelheim and blew it up.

"OH NO, NOT AGAIN!" The residents of Nibelheim moaned before they were blown to smithereens again. Sandy clapped her hands and giggled at the destruction she made Ulty WEAPON cause.

Ultima eventually accidentally flew into a mountain and Sandy fell off the WEAPON and landed on Cait Sith number 327 and killing it on impact.

"Oops. Hee-hee, sorry Cait Sith, didn't mean to land on you." She giggled in apology. Reeve cried again seeing that his robot died again.

"I just realized something…" Tseng started.

"What?" Rufus asked.

"Reno was right. She did come down."

"…"

"Whatever. I'm going to now cause destruction and mayhem again." Sandy said getting up and setting the field on fire while singing the Rufus song.

"Okay, now we have to do something about her sugar rush." Elena said.

"I told you, we don't have to do anything. What goes up…" Reno started, but then paused when he saw Sandy had suddenly collapsed asleep. The redhead smirked, "…must come down." He finished.

"…Holy shit! Reno was right twice in a row in the same hour, this must mean something." Scarlet said. Reno glared at her but then shrugged in response while mumbling "Whatever."

/End Sugar-High Maniac incident…/

"God you guys are weird…Hey what's next?" Sephy asked.

Sandy smirked as she saw the background, "Why Rude is afraid of Snakes!" She said.

"…" Rude said.

To be continued…

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A/N: Another 2-part chapter for you guys. Told you this chapter was odd and full of plot holes but who cares, it's an insane fic so plot holes and weirdness don't matter. Okay, now I need a few ideas of what incidents to do with Scarlet, Elena, and Tseng, so please write them to me in reviews or Email. The lyrics to the messed up Rufus ShinRa song doesn't belong to me, some guy called anothercid came up with it, and I actually did call Ruby a pokey sock when I first saw it because that's what I thought it was when I was eight (I was watching my older cousin play and then he let me play it) until I touched it that is, and when I was 12 I said those words when I found Ultima because I was sugar high that day. Anyways, school starts on Monday for me so I'll be updating much slower now.

Review corner:

To Sesshy is sexii: Your muses will get more spotlight in this story in future chapters but I just had to get this idea out of my head before I forget it. Heh, you're the only person who acknowledged the hospital part of my A/N, and I thank you for that, but I'm free now! Anyways, hope you liked the randomness.

To BloodyChaos: (giggles) Nice suggestions, I think I'll use them in a future chapter when everyone gets sloshed or something. Also, you don't mind that I used your idea of Rude being afraid of snakes do you? Anyways, hope you enjoy the chappie.

FFlove190: Zack had fans…they uh, just, were chased away from the rabid Sephy fans and they got scared if they came any closer, the Sephy fans would kill them for being near Sephy. Anyways, from your profile it said your name was Shelby so I used that name is that okay? And you'll get more spotlight in the fic too I just really needed to get this out of my head before I forgot it. Enjoy the chapter.

Shinigami's Shadow: Seems like I have a new reviewer, hello. Ah yes, rabid fans are a major pain in the ass, but you sound quite suspicious of them returning. We shall see, if they return, we shall see…. Anyways, no, I don't think I'm going to pair Cloud up with anyone, at least not Vincent, because Vinnie's getting paired up with Cid, cause I like ValenWind cause it's funny…though I might give Cloud a certain male stalker (hint hint)

R R F: This must be my longest chapter yet.

Sandy: (Looks up) No kidding, but you tortured us ShinRa people, why?

R R F: Because my dumb computer decided to delete my drama fic that was ready to be post on the net and I had to take my anger out on something.

Sandy: (sweatdrops) You're evil.

R R F: I know, anyways please review because it makes me very happy and gives me motivation to write this stuff.


	8. Part 2: Strange incidents involving Shin

Random Reno Fangirl 05 (R R F): Muwahaha! I'm alive! Not dead!

Sandy: (sweatdrops) Uh-huh, right…

R R F: So sorry for the extremely late update, just my laptop had crapped out on me and I was sorta forced to rewrite this, plus I've been watching Survivor: Africa and Survivor: Guatemala over the past few months, AND I don't like the desktops keyboard cause it's not flat and I have the tendency to hit the wrong key making it difficult to type… also, Sandy went sane for a while so I lost a bit of inspiration…

Sandy: I only went sane because you sent me to the mental ward where all the insane people go to become uninsane…

R R F: Yeah so I sorta had a crisis because if she's sane then I can't make much….

Sandy: But I gained my insanity back by pushing Derek off a cliff!

R R F: Stop hurting Derek, or else all my muses will be insane…maybe I should kick you out of the fic…nah…

Sandy: BUT I GET TO STAY!

R R F: --; Yes, cause without you the word insanity doesn't even exist…

Sandy: Why thank you.

R R F: Disclaimer, NOW!

Sandy: R R F doesn't own anything but me and her muses, on with the insanity…

Warnings: Same as always.

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"Ha! Now you all get to see why Rude has an extreme, irrational fear of snakes!" Reno laughed.

"…." Rude said.

"…Shut up, you talk to much for a guy who doesn't speak." Reno retorted.

"That makes no sense Reno." Sandy said showing a once in a lifetime moment of her sanity…and they all witnessed it.

"Play the video already!" Rufus demanded, and Reeve did so.

(On Video)

"AHHHHHH! CHOCOBOS! KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME DAMNIT!" Sandy screamed while running wildly around the chocobo stables in fear.

Scarlet laughed, Elena was lost as always, Tseng was embarrassed by her behavior, Reeve looked confused, Rude looked indifferent as always, Reno sweatdropped, and Rufus sighed and shook his head in disappointment.

Everyone, but Sandy, looked at Rufus with a befuddled look that said, "What's her problem?"

"Long story, she was attacked by rabid peacocks when she was younger and now believes all birds are plotting to take over the world…along with monkeys, but that's a totally different story…" He explained.

"Well, it's true, I feed the peacock a fry, and what does it do in return, attack me! The only bird more rabid than peacocks are geese, they are the true and ultimate evil, so much more than that Sephiroth guy." Sandy exclaimed, while hiding slightly behind Elena.

"Get on the chocobo! Or we'll never cross the swamp." Rufus commanded.

"Not on your damn life! I'll cover you in blood and throw you to the sharks before you can get me on one of those rabid untamed beasts!"

Rufus twitched and Reno snorted, "What kinda bodyguard is she if she'll throw your life away just not to get on a harmless bird?"

"Get on the bird god damn it!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes! Oops, I mean-"

"Ha, I win! You said yes!" Rufus declared victoriously.

Sandy stuck out her tongue, "You can't prove it!"

Rufus smirked and pulled out a tape recorder that recorded her saying yes, "And I have eyewitnesses!"

Sandy was still persistence, "You can't make me!"

Reno, getting annoyed by the whole fight, then spoke up, "He can't, but _I_, on the other hand, _can._"

(A few minutes later…)

A bubble brained, giggly Sandy was sitting on the back of Reno's chocobo and was clinging to the red head as her only support.

"I still don't get how you did it…" Rufus said while bringing his chocobo up to Reno's.

"Eh, it ain't difficult, just get her in her happy place and she becomes clueless, although I hope she doesn't get _too_ happy again…." Reno answered.

"You gave her happy pills?" Tseng asked.

"…I have the right not to answer that question…"

"HAHAHAHA!" Sandy laughed randomly while she began to slip off the chocobo.

"Whatever you gave her, give some to Elena, it'll make my life easier…" Tseng whispered.

"Kyah, can we go yet?" Scarlet barked.

"Alright, alright, let's get our asses moving then. Who's going to be the first to cross the swamp?" Rufus asked.

"Oooooh! Oooooh! Pick us!" Sandy squealed while waving her arms around wildly like a retard even though she has no idea what Rufus asked. Reno put Sandy's arms down to show that he was not volunteering. "I nominate Rude!" He said.

"We're not running for president…" Elena started but then shrugged, "Why not? I second that nomination!"

"All in favor of Rude say Aye. Aye!" Tseng said with everyone else, bar Rude and the mentally challenged Sandy, said 'Aye.'

"…" Rude protested.

"Too bad buddy, it's a 7-1 vote, we win." Reno said.

"…!" Rude pointed out

"And your point is? When she's in her happy place she agrees with almost anything."

"…"

"Fine, complain, complain, that's all you ever do Rude, so the vote was 6-1 and a mentally challenged vote that won't count. Either way you still lose, now cross the swamp!" Reno said throwing his arms up and in the process making Sandy fall off the chocobo and land face first on the ground.

"…Fine" Rude said, and began to lead his chocobo over the marsh.

"Psst! Elena, I bet you a million dollars Rude will make it across!" Sandy hissed starting to come out of her happy place. Elena thought for a moment. "Okay, you're on!"

Rude was halfway across until suddenly the Midgar Zolom arose through the marsh and stared at the now petrified Rude. The chocobo threw Rude off and ran away in fear leaving behind poor defenseless Rude. The giant snake suddenly lurched at the bald Turk and swallowed Rude and took him under the swamp.

"What…the…fuck? What the hell just happened?" Reno asked.

"We're just as confused Reno, just as confused."

"Ha! You owe me money Sandy!"

The bodyguard smirked, "Here ya go Laney!" Sandy said handing over one million dollars.

Elena did a quick cheer but then did a double take at the money. "Wait a minute! What is this?" She asked waving the million dollars around.

"It's called a dollar, it's a different currency that's used in an alternate universe, you can buy a lot of stuff with it there, but here, it's completely worthless." Sandy informed.

Elena let out a long string of curses and began to shred the money like there was no tomorrow, while Sandy rolled on the floor laughing her ass off.

Then Scarlet randomly started laughing along with Rufus. Reno, Reeve, and Tseng stared at them confused. "It's a blonde thing, kyah! When one laughs, for a dumb reason, we all do." Scarlet explained then beginning to crackle again.

"Right, well, _this_, is a red head thing," Reno said giving them a gesture you should never show your boss unless you want to get fired really badly. That made Sandy hit him, and she went off blabbering about how 'He threatened the President.' Even though all he did was give them the finger.

Tseng and Reeve, the sanest in the group, suppose it a dark haired thing; decided to get back on the subject about Rude being eaten by the snakes.

"Uh, guys, how do we save Rude?" Reeve inquired.

"Simple, the same way we saved Reno from Mr. Pokey Sock!" Sandy said, and then Reno clung to her afraid. "Is he here?" He asked scared.

"No…I was, just using an example."

"You want us to save Rude by doing absolutely nothing?" Tseng asked.

"No, that's not how we saved Reno, we saved him by trading him for some…no, wait a minute, I take it back, I'm thinking about the time I sold Reno to the Swedes." Sandy corrected.

"You sold me to Swedes? How come I don't remember this?"

"No comment…"

"Can we get back to saving my Turks ass!" Tseng demanded.

"No,"

"Why?"

"Because I don't remember what were doing here and why we're even here…oh look, a gil! It so shiny." Sandy then dove for the shiny gil that mesmerized her.

Tseng slapped a hand to his face and slowly dragged it down. "I'm surrounded by idiots I tell you…"

Suddenly, the Midgar Zolom rose and stared at the group of ShinRa employees.

"It's gonna eat us!" Elena screamed and then began to cling to Tseng in fear.

The giant serpent opened its mouth preparing to devour the group, but it suddenly began to make gagging and choking noises. It continued to gag until it finally spat out Rude, who shrieked and immediately scrambled back to the other seven screaming and crying like a baby while clinging to Elena.

"SNAKE! SAVE ME JEEBUS!" He cried.

"You think he's mentally scared?" Reeve asked. Everyone shrugged in response. Suddenly a snake slithered down Scarlet dress and inched its way towards Rude, who squeezed Elena so hard that her face began to turn violet from lack of air.

'Squeeze harder Rude! Off her!' Tseng mentally chanted.

Finally, Elena passed out due to lack of air. Sandy examined her open mouth and decided to shove an extra million dollars in her mouth…and Rude continued to freak out from a snake.

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"Not very funny." Maya said bluntly to which everyone agreed.

"Please tell me you have better moments than this…" Sephiroth said.

"Well, I think 'When Geese Take Over the World' is next." Rufus said.

"Who is it?"

"'Laney, Scarlet, and Tseng."

"Roll it."

(Video)

Sandy took a seat next to Rude and stared at him. "What's up?" she asked.

"…"

"No need to snap at me! GOSH!"

"…"

"It was just a simple question!"

"…"

"Fine, if that's how you want to play it…"

"…"

"…."

"…………"

"…………!"

"……………………."

"!#$$&(#$)($&!"

"!"

"&&!"

"……..$&!"

"…"

"Hey guys! What are you doing?" Elena asked the two.

"…!" Sandy exclaimed.

"Oh, I see playing the silent game, this'll be interesting."

"…" Rude said.

"…" Sandy claimed.

"Rude wins!" Elena declared.

"?" Sandy asked.

"It's simple even when you don't talk Sandy you do talk, with your body language and such, Rude on the other hand…doesn't."

"#$&!"

"Quit being a sore loser, you lost, get over it!"

"…" And Sandy stomped off.

"So Rude, have you seen Tseng anywhere? I've yet to see him today so I could tell him I love him to death." Elena asked.

Meanwhile in a locker room…

Tseng was stuffed in locker trying to avoid Elena; yes, he was that desperate to avoid the blonde's clutches that he was willing to stuff himself in a sweaty smelly locker. The one thing he didn't know was that said locker happened to have belonged to Reno and there were many lighters in there. About a second later his clothes burst into flames and Tseng ran screaming out trying to extinguish the flames; by the time he did, his clothes were charred and his clothing was reduced to a pile of ash.

"Great, now Elena will never let go of me," he sighed. "Must…find…clothing…" He chanted as he examined every locker trying to find something to cover him up. He stumbled upon Rhiana's bag of crossdressing materials and shuddered. "It's better than nothing." He sighed as he began to get in the puffy yellow dress.

When he finished he immediately felt someone tackle his waist and he feel to the ground with his attacker on top of him, he looked up and stared into the mischievous eyes of Reeve.

Tseng sighed and figured he was going to be his new stalker as long as he was in that dress but decided to deal with it. 'He beats Elena by a mile.'

Tseng dragged himself upstairs and into the lounge where he saw a drunken Elena tap-dancing on the table while singing the pickle song.

"What the–? And Reeve get off!" Tseng said while shaking his leg roughly, which sent Reeve flying out the window and crashing into a flying Cait Sith.

Tseng ran over to Elena and slapped her across the face and began to shake her roughly, "Snap out of it woman!"

Elena stared at Tseng blankly and drool dribbled down the corner of her mouth, it took her a minute to react to the pain and she stared at Tseng darkly, "No one hurts me, Queen of the birds, geese attack and take over the world!"

Suddenly a flock of geese flew in and began chasing Tseng around the lounge while snapping at him every opportunity they had.

Sandy gaped as the rabid white birds flew past her chasing the dark haired man, "Oh my god, oh my god! GEESE ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! AHHHHHHH!" She climbed up on the desk Elena was dancing on and clung to the tipsy blonde.

Scarlet walked in the lounge and was pushed into a trashcan when Tseng shoved her out of the way, then the geese pushed the trashcan down an escalator that went up and Scarlet tumbled down her never ending doom fall screaming each time because her fall would never end and she'd never be able to touch the ground again.

The geese destroyed everything in sight; they knocked down bookshelves that acted as catapults launching books into the heads of employees, crapped on people as they flew around, tried eating Tseng's wonderful hair, set things on fire, pushed people out windows, and all sorts of other insanity.

Sandy got bored of hiding from the geese and summoned another flock to attack Rufus, Reno, and Rude.

The three R's eyes widened as they saw the white birds dart after them, they ran around wildly in circles jumping around like maniacs and screaming their heads off. Somehow one goose actually managed to summon a huge tree to grow right through the center on the ShinRa building and it traumatized Rufus, monkeys were also apparently infested in the tree and they chased after Sandy who screamed in response.

"AHHHHH! IT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE! MONKEYS REALLY ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD, CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?" She screeched at the top of her lungs. The idiotic blonde suddenly tripped over a bird with a colorful flashy tail. When she got a good look at the bird she tripped over her eyes widened and she curled up into fetal position and began to rock back and forth.

"No more peacocks mommy, I won't feed it a fry ever again…no more peacocks mommy," She murmured to herself over and over again. The peacock just stared at her strangely and walked off to where Tseng was resting; because the geese lost interest in him, and proceeded to evilly peck at his heels.

So there were two traumatized blondes on the floor traumatized from their greatest fears coming true, three Turks running away from rabid birds, a blonde falling perpetually to her never ending doom, and a drunk blonde Turk tap-dancing on a desk singing the pickle song while ruling the world with geese.

(End video)

"I still have to say the loco weed and pokey sock were the funniest of the bunch!" Cid barked.

"Oh yeah, just laugh at my idiocy and someone who's been mentally scarred, real funny." Rufus said sarcastically.

"But Ruffie, you laughed when Reno was sucked in." Sandy pointed out.

"Shut up!"

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A/N: OMIGOD! I actually updated this thing after a year…wow, I seriously lost my touch though…sorry for the crappy chapter…(sighs) review please and I guess I'll send out replies via PM.


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